Being avoidant without an intension

Hi! Here i am, after a long time of feeling wierd and alianated finally figured out what might be wrong with me. I'm so scared of other people judging me that i unconsciously prefer not to get close to anyone. If i manage to get close to someone and be brave enough to call him/her friend one's usually toxic and manipulative. I have a soft nature and people can easily use me for emotional support and when i need them they're never there for me. I sometimes let them manipulate me so i won't lose them, i don't really have any friends.

I had a friend like this and i got tired so first time in my life i got so angry that I broke a promise i gave him about helping him and i lied him. I know I've done wrong.. I'm messed up.. Think it's time to avoid him and try making new friends, but all of these is so hard.. I'm not sure if i can handle this much. Also i plan on apologizing him before i stop being friends with him.