@bluelemon6419 ! Trying to talk to you and set up communication
@bluelemon6419 sorry I’m not sleeping but i found a glitch in the matrix! I’d like to continue our conversation.
I did try sleeping and have utilised methods that will kick in soon. Glad and hopeful though since stumbling on a place I’d have thought wouldn’t be permitted.
Hey Holly and Sun!
Just giving you guys a shout. Be well and I hope today goes well for you. I have my appointment tomorrow and will keep you updated. 💛
@blueLemon6419
18th!
I can imagine you are likely apprehensive and potentially overwhelmed. You got this.
Nothing done nothing gained. It’s difficult and painful to do but the gain is the payoff.
good luck tomorrow, I hope it goes well. Thinking of you
@blueLemon6419
how did it go today?
How you feeling?
idk how to get in contact with you other than via here so hope to see you around soon.
@LabeledBPD
Hey Holly, I just logged on to look for you. Today was draining but she is really really nice. She took her time explaining things and how it would work and how she's going to be giving me homework. I like her a lot. It felt like an interrogation for some parts but I think she will be a good fit. I feel really tired and a bit overwhelmed by everything but I think it's a good step for me. I spent some time with my friend after and I just cried a lot but it wasn't awkward. I go again next week so I just need to get my head settled for that. Thank you for checking in.
@blueLemon6419 same time next week, if not beforehand.
I couldn’t actually quantify how many mental health professionals I’ve interacted with, what stands out though is the one or two that are comfortable to be around yet dedicated in their ultimate goal. Make you a better off human.
i get the feeling from what you have said and how it went that you are engaging with such an individual. It’s so nice to hear it’s worked out like this. Week one and you are already at ease in difficult moments of crying around others, have goals of areas to be worked on and helped, have clear and rational homework and expectations. That’s so promising.
Are you prepared to do the work required blue?
@LabeledBPD thanks for the encouragement Holly. She has such a cool comforting vibe but still with that professional distance. Im thankful. Reading through the material is something. Some of it looks hard. Eventually Im going to have to write out some stuff in detail and im not looking forward to that but Im willing to put in the work. I can't continue to live how I have been. I am at the end of what I can tolerate and I really really need this to work. Its a lot but I am leaning into it.
🫂🫂💙❤️. So glad all went well. You did enter today slightly different. Much more wise and grounded with a balanced and mature outlook.
Idk what it was exactly but , it’s my interpretation.
the therapist i hope continues to be a source of progression in your life. You being so open with a stranger 🫂. This is all really nice to hear. 🙂
it throws you when a therapist or some psychological professional is so driven without getting caught up in the every day issues. I have confidence that she’s going for the dysfunctional issues and setting those as goals to work on. It’s not the most relationship creating dynamic but they one that results in the best outcome of progression.
Was thinking about you today and when mind permitting I was wondering what time a day it is for you, if you’ve been and how it’s going. Im happy I’ve met you and hope that we can support one another’s journey with the goal of becoming where we want to be. It’s insane we from different sides of the globe but you mean so much to me and yes our usage may decline and we interact less at we better our lives but it will definitely be something I look fondly on with pride. Until then blue🫂 thank you for being a part of this community
It was good seeing you today even if just in passing. I hope your day went well and Im always rooting for you. I hope you get some sleep over the weekend as well. Love you Holly❤️
Sun I hope you are ok. Monday is long past and I remember you had work with the dude. Im thinking of you and I wish for peace for all of us. Love you Sun💛
@blueLemon6419
blue it’s always such a pleasure to see you around and everyone else thinks so also. You are so caring and wise.
Couldn’t help feeling you are to kind to me though.
You articulate so intellectually with such caring . Mod blue in disguise.
i love you blue ❤️
I don’t think I’m a very good place right now.
@LabeledBPD I love you too Holly💛 rooting for a better Sunday for you. For all of us really. Keep your head up Holly🥰
Blue I’m really *** losing it. Spellcheck I can’t even blame as so random and yet coherent.
I messaged my friend as to the brand of doll clothes she mentioned her daughter would like for Christmas. My friend replied. My reply, it scares me. Why did I type this?
You like my new lodger? Idk where we gonna put him but . I’d say ah thank you reborn 🙂
i don’t even recall sending anything odd just thanks for reminding me. About an hour ago when she replied in confusion, a message I’ve just checked now it’s frightening. Why would I say that? New lodger… WTAF!
Huh? What new lodger? That reborn looks mad tho na I’m a have nightmares at night lol
it’s not funny and I’m glad she’s just skimming over the fact. This is truly gut wrenching as idk if you’ve experienced it, it’s the absolute worst to face mental issues you have no control over and are 100% in the text book of crazy. Things so outlandish and outright insane (my opinion) have been extremely rare, once maybe twice but this I hope is not a premonition. I disregarded the others as a one off and something must have caused it but WTAF
I can even begin to see how or where I was coming from but mistakenly said what I have.
talk about anxiety, I don’t feel it often and definitely not bad, right now it’s either fear or both. It doesn’t feel good
@LabeledBPD
i have nowhere to turn and am unable to admit this in my everyday life, I’ve so much I’d lose and people already exploit so , it’s just is what it is and hope it’s something you can explain that can be prevented from happening again.
@LabeledBPD I hope you get some rest Holly💛
@labeledbpd
Second appointment today. I will keep you updated. I hope your day is going well.
@blueLemon6419
Hi blue, how are you? How did today go?
@LabeledBPD Hey Holly, thanks for checking in. It was a mixed bag emotionally. Im ok and Im focusing on watching some disney movies to distract myself a bit. I hope you get good sleep and rest tonight. Please let me know how you are doing. I will try to pop in EG sometime tomorrow. Im not in the right head space to be very supportive or explore at the moment. I need a break from heavy things. Thanks again and I love you. Be well Holly.
@LabeledBPD actually i need to see you so im coming to eg now and hoping for the best
@blueLemon6419
oh no, so sorry. I’ve been a bit absent on here for a few hours… man ffs… i really hope you are ok?
Feels extremely trivial asking what Disney films when overshadowed with concern for you.
I’m sorry I’ve not been around…. Blue love you please if we don’t cross paths soon look after yourself please. I hope your friend is around?
Jungle book is a good Disney movie, watched it the weekend before last… i actually really enjoy more than i should as an adult beauty and the beast and rescuers but jungle book definitely more easy watching with less emotions. Aristocratic cats maybe?
@LabeledBPD Little mermaid and Wall E. I used to imagine prince Eric coming to save me lol. And Wall E is one of my faves. How Wall E cares for Eve even when she can't care back for most of their time together and then at the end she wakes up and can finally reciprocate. It's really hopeful and sweet.
@blueLemon6419
unda da sea!! Unda da sea! Nowhere is wetter nowhere is better than unda da sea 🐚🦀🦐🐚🦞🐟🐠🐬🐙🪸
Good choice!
bit unfamiliar with wallie, holly , wallie… yeah.. holly the wally… nothing new… I’m a bit more inclined towards the older original Disney. Snow White and the 7 dwarfs, but not this new version. Small people exist and most don’t mind you acknowledging that fact…. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go.
never knew wallie was Disney.. phinochio is cool. I have no strings to hold me down, to make me freat to make me frown.. or the newer phinochio adventures.. (newer to me as youngish in the 90s) you have a funny noss , funny toes , funny nose… is it bad my lil boy will instantly recognise all this laugh and finish my sentences…
some these songs enjoy living rent free in my head… muppets Christmas Carol? Have you watched that?
Or hook??
i need to move int the 20th century, if it makes you smile just remember Holly the wally will be watching the movie to actually appreciate and understand it as wally .
the bfg is another favourite, watched the old and new virsion last weekend, fully directed by my youngest requests
@blueLemon6419
im so glad you are working though this even if difficult. Can you acknowledge that nobody here judges you, actually commends you. Real life where some people really suck i know some may or might but that most likely because they were never in the same situation. Easy to judge when it’s not you!
I have similar sort of experiences and those I don’t even want to think about let alone process as you are bravely and with such intelligence. I feel the mismatch and emotions that are so difficult to shift in the light of rational thinking.
It’s extremely hard. You are also working hard. Nobody said this was going to be easy but what awaits is worth it. Everyone here is rooting for you blue and really value your input. In no case never can a share by you be a waste of time. They are always welcomed, structured, insightful and most of with the intention of exploring and bettering yourself, we love you and hope for your exploration always ❤️
@LabeledBPD Thank you for always being there and supporting me. I love you Holly and I'm glad to have you here and know you are rooting for me. I'm sorry I wasn't at my best. I had a whole long rant typed out in response and it wouldn't let me post, most likely cause I had cussing in it. I'm more settled now. I'm glad you don't judge me but I know that isn't universal here and that's ok. I can clear out a room Holly. I've been exploring/sharing and trying to work through the same *** since august. I'm tired of it and I know others are tired of me too. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in the mud sometimes. And then how do I tell people I don't want applause or to get called brave without sounding like an ungrateful ***? It's embarrassing.
@blueLemon6419
you simply tell them. Unfortunately directly is the only way sometimes. I believe it’s those kind of people who really don’t value the true value and intentions of the EG, it has such potential and at points it meets that. Unfortunately however it can be akin to sharing circles wasting potential.
people care, no doubt. Fortunately I’ve not got the same impression of people being tired of your exploration as that would make me angry. I’m sorry you feel that some think this way.
i care about everyone, want what’s best for everyone. That said i think you recognise, understand and use the space for its intended purposes. We can really gain insight and that’s something you normally pay for! Knowledge growth, intended use, gratitude and utilisation with conscientious behaviour of such a space, explore. We learn together !
Living our lives in our minds and potentially only our perspectives equals limited understanding and means of growth and moving past things.
You are making progress, it’s painful I can see that but your determination and desire to move beyond this and be free is evident and we are all here to explore every step of the way.
What pains us most can never be overcome with just one exploration, if it could we’d not be here exploring the same things again. ?
@blueLemon6419
People think they are being kind and supportive, likely have no others words but really are touched and want to extend empathy. And or frightened of trying to aid in exploitation, or simply don’t understand that’s what the space is for.
I understand their potential viewpoint but they don’t understand you. So please tell them if you are able to. You are great with communication and not being funny if they see it as ungrateful then they are not there to help you explore. Helping people is not about anyone other than the one being helped, it’s voluntary.
someone asked for understanding, aid exploring difficult things and not just kind words and then people get the impression that the person that’s exploring is ungrateful. I say it’s the people with that impression that they are ungrateful for not being able to use the room like a sharing circle.
You acknowledge that it’s not what is wanted, respect that and aid in exploring, if you can’t handle that then maybe just listen or step away for a bit, go to a different room?
Idk. Never stop using the space for its intended purpose blue in every potential opportunity for it to result exploration that benefits you more than potentially causing harm.
Blue… sat here this evening thinking about this site and the potential it has. Started to think about the influence and control aspect you was exploring and a later exploration.
the penny dropped. I truly hope that with the aid of the EG and this therapist that in time influences and any negativity self attached or implied by others leaves.
@LabeledBPD Hey Holly I really appreciate you. That post was just me in my feelings. Im working on it. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
@LabeledBPD Holly Im *** up replying on this thread lol. I cant find the comment I want to reply to so here is a general one instead. I love you and last night I had some decent sleep, no paralysis, no waking up after 3 hrs. I felt more settled today and Im looking forward to more of that. I did my homework today and I am going to keep going. keep working and hoping for the pay off even if Im sad now. I have more hope than before. Im hoping for you and Sun too. I hope you get some wins and the holiday season is uneventful or good for you. I didn't see you tonight so I hope that means you are getting rest.
@blueLemon6419
love you also blue always and forever.
No sleep paralysis, I’m so happy to hear that. The tournament and further torture that the lack of sleep creates throughout the day, hoping this continues. You seem happy.
Homework does seem a chore normally but is even more unpleasant when it’s not simply maths or English. Well done blue for forcing yourself through the unpleasant and painful process that is the means to a life beyond. Sad for a moment or day or two is much a better option than sad and crippled for life ❤️. 🙂 makes me smile to think you are on your way towards this.
idk what’s changed, yes sleeping more and less self sabotage is the cause, I hope. Idk how long I will be even here this evening and struggle with the why.
Great to hear from you though blue 🫂
@LabeledBPD It's always so good to see your messages in this thread. 💛 How was your day?
@blueLemon6419
its the uk, no such thing as thanksgiving. No holiday season till December 25th, just regular same old days until then.
Happy thanksgiving to you though 🥰
@LabeledBPD Ahhh got yah. I mix up canadian and American thanksgiving and then sometimes assume other countries celebrate it too. We don't have thanksgiving here but do a bunch of cultural events in november into december. I hope those regular days go well for you Holly💛
@TheSunIsUpTheSkyIsBlue
Hey hey Sun💛 I don't know if you celebrate American Thanksgiving but I hope your day is going well. I don't do big family get togethers but if you do I hope it is uneventful and pleasant. I'm thankful to have met you and I'm proud of you for working on yourself no matter the slip ups or challenges. I'm rooting for you! Progress not perfection🥰
