I have to try something
I have been living a life of pushing people away. I have experiencing extreme pain from other people's greed and desires and it's taken me a long time to realize that I'm alone because I'm too afraid to accept any more heartache I have whittled everybody out of my life besides my dad and unfortunately he is getting up there in age and when he's gone I will have no one and I don't think I can accept that I don't think I will make a healthy decision when that does happen and so I'm trying something to change that. I need a connection I guess I'd never realize I needed the loneliness is really really starting to get to me and the older I get the more it affects me the more my decisions in my past affect my future. Iv caused a lot of pain to my loved ones and even though I've worked very hard in trying to earn their forgiveness I have not received it and will not in any future that I could see and so I'm trying to do something to get some help and to change who I am because I don't like it anymore and I don't like who I'm becoming I'm not okay with it and if you want to talk to me that would be cool I'm not used to this very difficult for me to do but I've decided that I have to I'm 40 I'm well almost 40 I'm a vet I'm an American name is Luke single happily single I'm a father of two who is not allowed to talk to them right now again because of selfish decision in the past I'm a recovering addict I have 5 years clean I spent three and a half years in prison I'm almost done with parole I have not been in ounce of trouble since I got now and I'm doing my best to be a better person and it's showing thankfully I like art I paint and I draw and I like woodworking I would be nice to have somebody to talk to once in a while I realize the other day that besides my dad it's been years since somebody has texted me hello good morning how you doing and that was a hard realization to accept
@luke8686 Hi, Luke. Thank you for sharing and reaching out. I'm glad you reach out and acknowledging destructive things in the past that affect your present. It's a brave thing to admit our mistakes. Wanting to change (and doing it right now by making this post!) is a great start. I hope you can find many users here that reach out and comment in this post
It took a very long time and some prison time to be able to acknowledge my own faults and to stop blaming every one for ky problems. The day i was arrested i told myself i ahd a choice i can keep going to self destruct or i could change and become the person i should be so that what i did
@luke8686 I am so proud of you. I hope and pray, that you stay clean.
Thank you so much. Its been hard of course but once i was able to highlight the real issue i was dealing with staying away became so much more important. It took well over a year to start feeling like a person again but it was worth it in ways i can only know now. Becoming sober suck i hated it. It made all my problems so klmuch worse. Instarted using when i was 9 years old. Same time i started to be mested and latter raped by my uncle so from the point on till i was 35 years old i never learned how to deal with trama and hardships the way you are supposed to so i had to learn how to do that all over again and it made it so hard but now after 5 years i am so grateful for my sobriety and would not trade it for anything or any one.