Gateway to Ancestors

I was dying. It was fine. Happens very often. I'd done lots. Didn't expect to live past 11 and it's decades later so I can go. Obviously...I didn't die - here I am writing this, not from the other side. And yet at the time, two days ago, facing it full on, I was beyond help and victory of any kind was an impossible dream.

And it turns out, ironically, I was already dead. In the winter of my life. Had I been in winter my whole life? Yes. Do I often forget what season I'm in? Yes. Do I sometimes remember but refuse to wait for myself to settle back into it and instead flail around in dishonor of my grief, values and journey? Yes. In this particular moment of a whole decade or so of this disordered behaviour, I was spetznaz slammed by my period.

Furthermore, I'm not talking 'oh time to buy a singular panty-liner and sip a molecule of water more than usual' period. I'm talking call an exorcist, the Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice, throwing up, writhing, suddenly learning the language of werewolves level pain. I'm talking period *** the likes of which have never been *** before in all history and heritage of period *** throughout eternity. I'm talking scare boyfriends, friends and family all the way to the other side of the world never to return again for as long as you both shall live so help you god level pain. I was too sick, tired and deep in comorbid crapola to do a single thing for myself including go by foot to find ibuprofen in the tiny city I'm in at 3 AM. I was also done with all medical models; eastern, western and anything below, above and in between... (That rose quartz did nothing but call in some fboi and I'd been off medication for a decade I'd been on for a decade so who even knows anything anymore and I'm not indigenous enough to be indigenous but not anything else enough to be anything else.) so I settled in for the final long sleep. Just a grody Snow White that would never be kissed. At least not consensual like.

In conclusion, surprise of surprises, instead of imploding in pain and suffering I tapped into some sentient healing ability and began transmitting sacred energy out of whatever was happening in my uterus as it gave birth to my womb tissue and blood. I felt barely nothing which is odd considering the level of pain experienced is stage two birth or heart attack. I listened to meditations for period cramps, how women's cycles and periods and just women in general have been just dragged in the dirt for a millenia due to the dark ages that we've been in for an era and a half or whatever. Men have the short end of the stick too because we're all holding the same stick. I cried my eyes out for them...Anyway I learned a lot of things I was never told. That period blood has stem cells. That it could be used any number of ways from sacred art to gardening to a supplement. Actually when I think about it, I wasn't told much of anything. Maybe I was but I ignored it as new age woo woo bs like everyone else "normal". So now I'm a weirdo from lumeria who likes intimidating or weirding people out in my oversized or overly spiritual clothes and strange eye contact and my period that has now opened a portal to my ancestors and I want and need to no longer set myself on fire to keep others warm and that's non-negotiable so don't *** with me. Maybe pathway next. Or ice cream.