I need help.. postpartum depression

@HopelessChick     I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.   First of all, take a deep breath and remember that nothing stays the same forever, think how fast the 3 months already passed.   I am a mom of four, and now 4 grandbabies as well. I can relate to nearly all of what you said.   My youngest was a chubby happy baby but mother in law insisted my milk was "no good."   Everyone and their dog had an opinion and a judgement about my parenting.   I struggled with body image, I was tired, overwhelmed, and the fairytale didn't exactly pan out like the stories.   That being said,   all you can do is try and do your best but if you feel like harming your child, tell someone you need them to come and relieve you for a while.   There is no shame or harm in asking for help.    Babies are the most rewarding but also the most exhausting part of our lives.    When you are not at work, sleep when the baby sleeps, eat healthy food, drink water often, allow time for yourself.  It took 9 months to make that baby weight and it will come off in time too.  And if it doesn't  then you rock that mom bod anyways!   Go get a haircut and treat yourself or if you can't do that, just sit in silence for an hour a day and allow yourself to process the feelings and regroup.   I am super impressed by your courage and I also want to thank you for reaching out because I know so many new moms are going through this as well who maybe are afraid to reach out.   Thank you for giving them a voice.   Before you know it the baby will sleep through the night and then come the smiles and giggles and you can look back and realize just how strong and amazing you truly are for being a mother.  It is no easy task.   If you ever need to talk, know that this a safe place to do so.    Maybe you can discuss your feelings with your doctor as well.   Write in a journal, do whatever you are comfortable with to get it out of your head.   Things will get easier,  it just takes time and adjusting.    You can reach out to me anytime as well.  I truly wish you the best possible outcome, and I would love it if you kept me or us updated as well.   Don't give up, you can do this!