My "path" says posting gives me a better chance at being successful, I'll try anything at this point because I am desperate to change.

I wonder if being accountable to a stranger online counts. I say counts like in the grand scheme of things. I could log out and never come back leaving accountability back on myself. For myself, this is on me. I want to find someone to be accountable to but I would have to be accountable at telling you and not running away. I know this is on me but I want accountability. I wasn't really taught "discipline" as a young one. I got away with whatever once I turned about 10 for reasons I won't name here. I did what I wanted and what I wanted got me here with no one to actually come asking, calling or caring if I did anything that day, week, month or years... Accountability to you only works if I am accountable to myself on telling you the truth. Maybe I don't understand what accountability is, but that seems like something I have to have with myself before I can entrust anyone with it. Wow. Well. the only rule I want to make sure I don't violate is the positive uplifting one. 

I am trying. I am here. I am posting this. I know it might not seem like a lot but I could be still lying to everyone. Even myself. I know I am strong enough and able bodied. I know there is something blocking the go from my brain to my body and I am trying to fix it. I want to do it. I'm like the little engine that could but I am out of gas or there is no one driving. I am not sure. I can do better. I am doing better. I trying but that trying will come down to me. You cannot do it for me, not matter who you are. Even Jesus asked Peter to walk to him in the water. I have to make the steps to you to be accountable. 

I am trying to work on my path. I like the feeling I get when I mark something off. It feels like I have accomplished something and its different than just checking something off a list I wrote. Someone being able to see it makes it different. I think that is why I am joining this sub community. I don't want to be violating any rules but I have found that I am not uplifting or joyful at the core. 

I hope anyone who reads this has a greater day everyday and I am sorry if anything I wrote triggered you or upset you. I only want to feel better myself, not cause others any grief or pain. Good Day People of this page. Sorry you met me if you got this far and feel like you're drawn to me. <3 please let me not be messing up any rules. I will be nice to everyone even if you feel like being mean I guess.