Coming out
For a long time I didn’t really see a point in coming out I felt like the change and problems that might arise wasn’t very worth the trouble and after I got over the hard times of discomfort I felt mostly ok with up and down but recently I have been thinking of coming out but I’m so lost on how or what to say. I don’t really have any reason to feel unsafe in my household my parents have expressed their acceptance and have told me multiple times it’s ok but I still find it hard to approach the topic.
I was wondering if anyone had any coming story or just how you came out so I can get an idea on how to take action
@GwydionRowan I have a friend who came out and his parents accepted it just because they didn't want to force him to do something he didn't like, my friend is still living a normal life and accepting the people around him on his own terms, so you don't have to force yourself to do anything you just go with your heart and you will always find friends who understand you.
@Anonkelvin007 thanks I’m not really afraid of being rejected I know most people around are really cool with this stuff. My main friend group is mostly queer and my best friend is trans I’m not really sure why I don’t want to come out tbh
@GwydionRowan
It took me the longest time to realize I even needed to come out. I'd always felt the way I felt and never thought there was anything wrong with it. It took my wife coming out as being transgender, and me not batting an eyelash to realize, maybe I wasn't really anything approaching hetero. And then I thought "Do I need to make an announcement? Do people already know?" It wasn't until my mom tried to commiserate over my (at one time) fiance turning into a fiancee that I realized yeah, I need to tell people. So now, I'll let people know I'm some flavor of pan, or something like that. I love who I love and not much else matters. Some people get it, some people accuse me of turning their daughter trans...it's a very mixed bag :)
Let me just add a few random thoughts of mine, even thought the chances of any takeaway are slim 😅
My first coming out was involuntary / in a moment and I was lucky to come out to a very kind friend. It was very stressful but it helped me long term, even with self-acceptance. Even though it was obvious for a long time, I feel like I was only able to truly come out to myself only later on, in fact, it took me over a year still.
The second time... while it wasn't prepared in advance, I felt in control, and while it was still quite difficult it turned out well and was kinda a nice moment. I just needed to explain myself then I guess, since I was close with the person and deferring the topic was becoming silly once I opened up quite a bit about everything else.
Once I covered most of the people I truly care about, it became more of a routine. That doesn't mean that there are tens of people that know, but I don't make too much fuss about it. I'm kinda lucky to be in a welcoming environment, sometimes I'm not sure if it just passes that easily or people just did not get it.
On one occasion when I really wanted to just come out to a person I've simply prepared a few sentences I can lead with and it was over in a minute upon we'd met. And super cringe 😂. Because the lead-up felt lame, but no regrets. At the same time, not sure how I'd make it better next time.
I still feel a minority stress in circles I haven't came out yet, which is, I guess, my main motivation to try. Being sure that you're accepted is just worth it, instead of guessing, and there is a nice bonus – chance of getting a bunch of allies in the process. But finding the good moments is still tricky, majority of them feel too cringe or not fitting, forced. I don't want to sound like I'm offended or special or something, so for example simply correcting heteronormative assumptions about myself is not doing it. Will see, maybe once, it may fit in well.
Small nudges, like carrying a badge / sticker, or, discussing a current topic, is a nice bridge. Not 100% but... counts.
@Mel2248 thanks for this I know I'm in a good environment my mother and best friend is trans and I guess my only fear I can think of is having to go though the change when I think about it I don't think I would mind tell new people I am trans once I transition
@GwydionRowan I'm not sure whether your fear of a change is justified. I wouldn't expect much to change.
Maybe ask yourself what can you gain and what can you lose by coming out, because, from my point of view, especially since you have a trans friend, it gives you an opportunity to openly ask about their experience / doubts / process. You could also use such conversation to come out, it feels like quite a natural choice...
In the end, any decisions are yours to make – it's not set in stone you need to transition as soon as you come out, or, ever, and I'd expect higher levels of understanding and support when it comes to searching for your identity among queer people. I'm sure they'll support you regardless of your choices. 😊
Good luck!
@Mel2248 I think I am still unsure that what I am feeling is what I think I am even though I have been quite about this for over 2 years I guess I’m still not ready just I know if I do nothing about it I will never be ready you know
