Am I gay or bi?
communicativeBanana4703
January 10th
Good morning.
i (30 female) just allowed myself to accept that I’m attracted to women. I am engaged to a man. Now that I’m allowing myself to feel this attraction toward women, it feels so different than what I feel for men.
for women, the attraction is like a very intense, unignorable feeling in my privates. For men, it feels much less intense, different, and like I can just feel myself getting wet. I don’t feel the “attraction” in my privates like I do for women.
does Anyone else feel this way? Am I bisexual or am I just gay?
I’m devastated. I don’t want to lose my fiancé. If I come out as gay I’m going to lose him and break his heart. And my own as well. Please help me.
Aayla
January 11th
@communicativeBanana4703 attraction is a complex thing. People experience it in different ways, which might be more or less intense, or simply be... Different.
There is not one specific thing that people "should" feel when they experience sexual attractions: it can manifest differently for different people, but also for the same people in different moments of their life, or for different genders. Which means you might be gay or bi, according to how you define sexual attraction and what it means to you. There might even be differences between your sexual orientation and your romantic orientations.
The question here is, how do you feel about your fiance? Do you love him, romantically? As for sexual attraction, how do you feel about him?
Either way, it would be a good idea to share with him what you're going through. Being in love means supporting each other through everything, even if it's something hard and confusing. As he cares for you, I'm sure he'll want to know what you're going through, so you can figure out together what it means for your relationship.
Just remember not to feel guilty over it: questioning yourself and discovering parts of you that you didn't know is the right thing to do!