What should I do? I’m confused

So, I’ve hidden the fact that I’m bi, or well that i do have feelings for girls. But anyways Today’s drama lol is about how I feel numb, but at the same time Idkkk what I feel. I’m having girl and boy problems I’m having problems choosing between a girl and a guy.

The thing is i left the guy to focus on myself. But Long story short we are to toxic for each other. It’s sad because I really love him but He did things that made me lose trust and over time I just mentally and physically checked out from our relationship. so even though I love him, I don’t think it’s appropriate to be in the relationship if we both are hurting each other. So then time passes like a week or so and This girl that I started to develop feelings for , which I had liked her but two years ago, she comes back. She kissed me, and for a sec I thought things were going to change and I was happy with her. But because of everything she thinks it’s too much and well she pulled away. And I respect her decision but Another problem is that I haven’t came out, mostly because I tried and my family’s response wasn’t as how I planned. Im scared because I don’t want to lose her but at the same time I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I’m trying to juggle so many things at once that I don’t know where to start healing. I’m open to any advice, even how to deal with my mental health please and thank you!