Think I’m gay

I’m in my 30s and I think I’m gay. I thought I was bi for a long time. I just got out of a 6 year relationship with a man. I feel like I’m comfortable around men as friends but I don’t like being intimate with men. I am attracted to women but I’m afraid to get close to a woman due to trauma. My mom was emotionally abusive and she’s working on herself. A lot of women have stabbed me in the back and I’m also autistic. I dream of being with a women but I’m also afraid.