Recently Bi, long time married
As the title implies, I've been married in a straight relationship for almost 20 years now to a woman who i love deeply. She has always been supportive and understanding all this time but within the last few years I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not straight like I always assumed I was. It may sound strange but I never even thought to question it, I found women attractive so I just assumed I was straight. My big question here is though if I come out as bisexual to her, would or could that change our relationship fundamentally? Its not like I'm going to run out and start sleeping with guys all of a sudden.
@Feelit87
Hello, first of all you shoud be sure are you bisexual. If yes you, can talk to your wife and if she loves you she will unferstand and accept this. Talk to her and be honest, this is the best you can do for her. Hope you are not started cheating on her.
I'm also a man in a long-term marriage that was hetero-passing and have relatively recently come to terms with being bisexual. Please don't be discouraged by the misconceptions people have about bisexuality. Looking at what the world sometimes communicates to outwardly bisexual people: you don't need to prove anything to anyone, you don't need to "be sure", you don't need to demonstrate your sexuality for it to be real, and you don't need to prove your faithfulness to your marriage.
To answer your question though: you might need to ask yourself what being bisexual means to you in practice and also what your wife's support and understanding is framed by. There is an assumption that there is an easy answer to how people will react to the news of something that was fundamentally part of their life-partner but sight unseen. Unfortunately there is no sure bet. If you are really worried, there are ways you can prime the conversation before disclosure to your partner though. For instance, you could mention a coworker or an old school acquaintance revealing their bisexuality to you and ask her what that might mean about them to test her perspective and reaction. Ease into the conversation by contextualizing and you will likely find her answer without revealing your sexuality. Honestly, some people will never understand and will not give the space to understand, but those that will become all the more important. Honest communication is important, but you should also be prepared for the consequences of that honesty.
I wish I had a better answer for you, but I'm hoping it goes well for you still.
