Navigating marriage and bisexuality
Hi there,
i am new here!
would like to get to know the lgbt community here. I’m 44 and bisexual. I’m male and married to a woman for 15 years now. Recently, my homosexual partner seems to have surfaced and it’s causing me lots of emotional distress. I’ve not done anything untoward, nor cheated on her or anything. But that I’m having this yearning… is making me feel very disturbed.
I am hoping to make some bisexual friends here. Hoping to get some support and help!
merry Xmas to all.
RenYao
I just found out my husband is bi and we have been married 6 years and together for 11. I’m a straight woman and he has known he was bi since before we even dated. Does your wife know you are bisexual? Based on my experience, communication and honesty could have prevented so many issues in our relationship, so I would encourage you to consider having a conversation with your wife about these feelings you are having and how they are making you feel. I think it’s only human to feel things like that at times, and maybe the conversation can help you both understand the feelings you are having and how to best support you both through them. Just because you feel something doesn’t necessarily mean you will act on it. That is a choice you make morally, because people don’t stop finding other people attractive just because they are married. We make a choice to be committed to our spouse or not. It can be scary for sure to be so vulnerable, but in my experience hiding things tends to cause more damage than telling the truth. At the end of the day it is your decision, and I hope for the best outcome for you and your wife!
Hi @placidPineapple1350,
Thanks for your message...
Yes, I knew I was gay or bi... before, long time ago. My wife knew as we got together.
Oh...I just reread my own posting, I realized this phrase "Recently, my homosexual partner seems to have surfaced and it’s causing me lots of emotional distress" made it sound as though he appeared and is with me... no no... I think I typed without thinking. I meant to say the memories of him surfaced... and it was more nuanced. I mainly felt very nostalgic about it.
That being said my hardship was not so much that there's someone whom I would cheat on my wife with... there's no one at the moment, except a man that I got to know 6 months ago... there was no risk of physical entanglement, since he was not gay, nor was I prepared to do so.
The main issue is that all the emotions within me... meeting the guy 6 months ago triggered a lot of buried emotions... the nostalgia I hold for my first homosexual partner (what I was talking about in the beginning) surfaced with a vengeance and I have been struggling on how to deal with my feelings.
I thank you for suggesting honesty with my wife, and I have done that too... I've told her I am seeking psychotherapy and one of the problem with that is, the more I share with her, the more hurt it seems I am causing her. It's not fair of me to put this on her... I sometimes feel if it would have been better if I sort this out before letting her know... but that's also unfair, isn't it?
I would like to know if you don't mind... are you and your husband still together?
