What's Up With My Gender?
Renoroodog
March 29th, 2022
So I'm a girl and I use she/her pronouns, but my gender has been a big question for me for a while now. I don't really feel like a girl, but I'm not unhappy as one. There have been times that my gender has made me uncomfortable though. A while back I got fitted for a bra. I had been dreading the appointment for months now and putting it off by making plans with my friends and stuff. but I never really knew why. My mom tried everything to make me feel comfortable. She booked an appointment at this really nice place with high quality bras that probably cost a ton of money and I'm really thankful but it didn't help. When I looked at myself in the fitting room mirror it just looked wrong. Like it was my head and my legs but my torso belonged to someone else. Normaly I don't have a problem with my boobs. It's only in situations like the fitting where a lot of attention is brought to them that make me uncomfortable. Another time I was trying on dresses for a school dance. I never wear skirts or feminine tops but all the dresses looked so fun to wear while the suits where just...black. So I tried on tons of dresses but it was the same as the bra fitting. They all felt wrong. Eventually my mom (bless her) helped me find an outfit I liked. It was black pants with faded gold pinstripes, a black button up shirt with gold roses, and a black tailcoat jacket. And when I saw myself in the mirror I almost cried. I knew I would look ridiculous showing up to the dance in a black and gold suit with COATTAILS but I have never been more happy with how I look. I do musical theatre and I have a pretty deep voice, so I get male roles a lot. I love playing men on stage. All of my dream roles are men. JD from Heathers, Orpleus from Hadestown, Dewey from School of Rock, etc. (I know that last one is super random don't judge me) In my day to day life I don't notice my gender. I dress on the masculine side of androgynous (if that makes any sense) and overall I'm pretty happy with the way I look but I don't think id be unhappy if I changed some things. There are some things I really like about myself that are both feminine and masculine. I really like having long hair and I have no interest in cutting it. I have thick eyebrows and eyelashes that look really cool too. I like the shape of my body overall, I have a pretty deep voice for a girl and I like how I sound. But again there are some things about me that, while I'm not unhappy with them, might be nice to change. I don't Really mind my boobs but it might be nice to not have them sometimes. Having a more angular face and a bit more muscle would be nice too. I don't mind she/her pronouns but I think I would like they/them too. But even if if made the changes I mentioned everyone would probably assume I was a girl still, and since I don't mind she/her I don't know if its worth it to change. I don't really feel a connection to my gender. I don't feel like its an integral part of me. But the idea of being non binary sound freeing. Then I wouldn't have to be connected to it. I could just be. But again, I'm not unhappy with who I am so why do I do? Any advice or suggestions would be super appreciated. Thanks for reading all this I know its a lot.
Idk why the whole thing is hi lighted in black idk what I did
greenhippie
April 3rd, 2022
I totally u first and this too! I always think that if my boobs were not small (I have almost a b cup) that I would be sooooo dysphoric and probably think about surgery. But the fact that I can bind with a tight sports bra and get by almost like a binder helps so much! So maybe binding some days can be an option for you?
I also want to try they/them pronouns but then she/her doesn’t bother me because I don’t feel connected to my gender. I basically identify as “look I have a vagina”.