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Parents not supportive, i feel unsafe.
Kris2415 August 28th

I (16, ftM) came out around three years ago to my friends, and only around a year ago to my parents via my Therapist. (She told them i was trans, not me, because i was too scared). They never expressed support, and i thought that was okay. They didn't have to. My father came to me one night, as i cried, and he told me "Whatever happens, you'll always be my little girl". Obviously affected me and pretty much made it clear that they were not supporting me, but i recently found out that my mother (and probably my father too) are part of an online Group Chat that is full of parents to trans children, who share information about their kids and "support" eachother about having kids with a mental illness.

The group chat's description says "No child is born in the wrong body, it's their minds that need healing".

My mom even send a message there talking about me and my boyfriend (also ftM). My boyfriend asked me to tell my parent that's he's trans, to avoid any issues.

When i told her, she seemed ok with it, but in the message she sent, she stated: "My daughter thinks she is a boy, and recently she's been dating a guy. I encouraged their relationship because I thought that at least she's dating a male, and maybe she forgets all this nonsense trans stuff, but she came to me and told me this boy was actually born a girl. My heart dropped to the floor. I don't know what to do."


I feel betrayed in so many ways, and unsafe in my own home.

They don't know i found out about this group they're in, and I'm afraid that if they do I'll get punished.

I'm in a crisis state, unable to get help.


Please help me.

1
Aayla August 29th
@Kris2415 I am terribly sorry that the people who are meant to support you do not accept you for who you are. Your feelings are valid, who wouldn't feel hurt and unsafe when your parents reacted like this? The most important thing is to remember that whatever they say, you know who you truly are, your identity is perfectly ok and no one has a right to make you feel "wrong" for simply being who you are, not even your family.

That being said, it's also important for you to feel supported and not be alone in this, so make sure to share your feelings with trusted people around you: your friends, your therapist, particularly your boyfriend since he can probably relate with what you're going through better than anyone else. All this love and care might not be a substitute for your family's acceptance, but it will keep you strong.

As for your safety, try to assess your situation: do you think you're in danger, be it from physical harm, being kicked out or submitted to a "conversion therapy"? If it is the case, don't hesitate o let someone know (your boyfriend's family if their supported, or other friends or trusted adults). Even if it's not the case, though, your family's rejection of your identity is still harmful for your mental health. Other than surrounding yourself with support, you can choose to try and "face" them: if it was your therapist to talk to them on your behalf, they haven't had the chance to hear from your lips how you truly feel and what this means to you. It might not change much, or it might open a small breach in their hearts: I can't tell you what happened or if it's worth it, what I can tell you is that every choice you make prioritizing your wellbeing is a choice you deserve to make. 

I wish you all the best. Stay strong.
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Reviewed Oct 30, 2024
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