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I don’t want to be trans anymore

RUMBUM June 18th

I hate being a tran masc youth. I live in America and there are 355 anti trans laws. Politicians want me to be dead or taken from my parents and they won’t listen to professionals. I hate the way my body is. I wake up everyday looking in the mirror and hating who I see, sometimes I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I can’t even come out to everyone because they won’t accept me and they’d leave me. And the people I am out to keep forgetting my name and pronouns but I’m too much of a coward to correct them. The state that I live in isn’t the worse but I always get weird looks because I have a girl body and short masc hair and face. I wish I could stop being trans. No matter what I do nobody will truly see me as a boy or they will want me dead. I feel like I’m not living im just barely surviving.

3
Aayla June 18th
@RUMBUM I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but there's something I'd like you to keep in mind: none of what you said is about who you are as a person, it's all about how other people perceive you. Yes, there's a huge amount or ignorant or straightforwardly evil people who make your life incredibly hard, but none of this means that you are "wrong" as a person. You are the way you are, and this is as normal and natural and valid as everyone else's experience.

But still, it doesn't make things easier, I know. One thing I really hope you can do is find "your" people, not necessarily trans people, but simply people who can see and value you as a person, people that understand your struggle and can become a shelter for you. Attending LGBT groups in your school / university / city or finding friendly associations might be a good place to start. Being supported doesn't make discrimination disappear, but it makes a huge difference.

Keep taking care of yourself, and remember that if you feel like looking for support, it's your right and you deserve to be seen and cared for, just like everyone does. I truly wish you the best.
orangeLychee9466 June 19th

I'm really sorry you're struggling with this. For whatever it's worth, you're not alone. I've finally accepted that I'm trans and started hormones. While it's slowly helping me feel better about my body, I still deal with dysphoria and wishing I wasn't trans. Hearing the hate and how some politicians are specifically targeting doesn't help. I also live in a state that isn't the worst, but there's still some hateful people here. I'm still mostly in the closet because I'm also worried about being rejected and hated. I don't have much advice for you, besides to keep going. Hopefully, things will start to get better for trans people soon. You're not alone, though
akunknown June 19th

@RUMBUM

Firstly, nothing absolutely nothing at all wrong with being trans. I also think you’re letting yourself and how you are be dictated by the country you’re living in and the people who live there and the laws that are there too. I may be wrong on this but if I’m not, please don’t let yourself be dictated by anyone unless it is yourself. 

But if you TRULY do not want to be trans anymore then don’t be trans anymore. This means you have to change. Only you can change yourself from who you are to who you want to be. You have to be patient with yourself and kind to yourself and give yourself as much time and effort it takes to change who you are. 

I just hope that the person you change into is who you truly want to be :)

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