Welp . 👄.
I'm gay and I'm a Muslim, living in a Muslim country ;-; (here it comes, also first post here btw) and where I'm from it's illegal to the point you get shot/killed for identifying yourself as gay, and most people just live like that in secret. I don't know how I'll ever come out to my family, as far fetched and impossible as it seems, or if they'll disown me if I do. It's not like my family is bad at all, don't get me wrong, I love them all very much and my parents have made great sacrifices for me and are kind and loving to me, but I don't want to complicate things so much and make them think bad of me just because of a certain way I feel. I want to live up to their expectations, and my mother always tenderly tells me how I should look towards the future, be married to a woman and have a fulfilling job and make her proud, but I just don't see girls that way... Like I'll upend everything over by breaking a law. I don't want to do that obv but then again, I don't know what to do at all >w< I feel burned out just thinking about it all the time and it's really getting on my nerves and I wish I could just change or erase that problematic part of me completely :l
@OwOmen
Hey, I'm lesbian and I live in a country where it's illegal to be gay too. the social norm is to be straight here so I kind of have to hide behind a facade that I'm straight and like males but deep down I just know I don't feel that way at all about boys..I don't want to be a disappointment to my friends or family. sometimes I feel like a disappointment to myself because of the internal homophobia I was raised to believe was just "good sense."
I think the best thing I can say is to find a community where you can talk about all this whether that's an online community or a community at your work/school. I sadly, don't have anyone to talk to that I know personally because my own best friend was raised with said beliefs that LGBTQ+ is a sin. So I joined this online community and I don't know about you? But I feel like a weight has been lifted. being able to talk about my homosexuality with ease and no fear that I'll be cursed at.
trust me @OwOmen , it gets better eventually and I'm here if you need anymore advice :)
First of all, I'm sorry you had to go through years of hiding your own identity from those around you, and I hope you're doing a lot better now, but then again what choice do we have? At least for now I guess. Like you said it's really helpful to find a good community to be a part of where you can express yourself, and I too have very few trustworthy friends whom I confided my secret to. I downloaded this app just yesterday and already, reading all your own stories and hardships really helped me feel less vulnerable <3 also thanks for your help and support it's greatly appreciated
@OwOmen
@slytherinluvbot
I am privelidged to live where being queer is not illegal, but I wanted to reach out to you both and say that I am sorry for what you have to endure with not being able to talk openly about your feelings/fears/hopes with your loved ones. I spend 6 years living in Muslim majority countries and had friends and partners there who faced similar difficulties. I can share some of the ways that they have dealt with this in the hopes that it may be helpful.
I want to second what slytherinluvbot said about finding community. It's important that you have others in your life who can understand where you are coming from and with whom you can be open and honest. But please be careful about meeting people in real life that you have only communicated with online. One friend was targeted online by violent homophobes and was attacked when he went to meet someone for a platonic friendly coffee. This was about 15 years ago, but it's still best to thoroughly trust someone before you meet in person if you feel that there is a danger of this happening in your community.
Some of my friends (in Iran and in other nearby countries) ended up coming out to their families with positive and supportive results. Others never spoke about it directly but chose to "focus on their career" or "hobbies" and as a result eventually just made it clear to their familes that getting married and having kids was not a priority. Their families eventually came to accept it and - after a few arguments on the subject - the parents stopped nagging about it. Also, most families have some distant aunt or uncle who never married and ended up just living with a friend/roommate. You can try to contextualize your life as being similar to that older relative (who most likely was also queer, but never spoke about it). Other chose to move abroad, or so choose another queer person of the opposite sex to have a sexless best friend marriage (between a gay man and a lesbian), and continue their romantic relationships on the side.
Of course, I am from and older generation so these may not be the best options for you. Don't doubt your own self-worth. I'm wishing you both lots of love - from your families, friends, and future partners.
I think u should listen to a scholar. A lot of them have spoken over it
