I feel so lost *Major trigger warnings*
When I was little I was repeatedly abused by my much older cousin. I felt like it got to the point where (as *** up as this seems) I started to enjoy it? Fast forward through my entire life and I was living the straight "normal" life but secretly sneaking away to engage in sex with men. My wife recently found out and we had a long discussion about having an open marriage, but she keeps going back and forth about accepting it and not accepting it and it destroying her....now I love her very much, but it seems like the more I try to repress it, the stronger it fights back.. these past few weeks I have really been in a spiral of self hatred and depression and I feel so lost
@FeelBroken1977
youre not broken you're fighting something you cant control okay it's alright to be gay
@FeelBroken1977
It sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma and struggle in your life. It's important to remember that you are not alone in this and that there is help available.
It is not uncommon for people who have experienced childhood abuse to develop complex and difficult feelings about their experiences, and to struggle with their sexuality as a result. However, it's important to remember that you are not to blame for what happened to you as a child, and that you deserve support and care as you navigate these feelings.
It's also important to remember to be kind to yourself, try to practice self-compassion and be patient with yourself as you work through these issues.
[Edited to remove advice - EmotionsListener Jan 17 2023]