How to handle friends who refuse to acknowledge abuse
So, I have two friends that I talk to regularly. Met both through queer spaces, and both seem to be living fully functioning lives. Both seem to have a decent understanding of morality, both stick up for their rights, both seem to have a positive outlook on life and have actively tried to uplift me in my dark moments. Both are very pleasant people. The problem is that both of them are in relationships that seem toxic, but never describe their partners as anything but great.
One's a trans woman who's dating a guy who almost raped her the night they met. She's a hardcore submissive and writes really dark stories inspired by her experiences, and models the abusive men in her stories after the current boyfriend, but apparently everything is great between them. She's taken trips with him to some extremely dangerous places, the stories she's written about the environments she's put herself in for that guy scare me more than some cockr do.
The other is a 19 year old lesbian who's unofficially married to the middle school teacher who's been using her for who knows how long. Before that, she was in a relationship with her aunt, and she casually reminiscences about her mother doing stuff to her all the time. Now, I don't know how much of what she says is true and how much is fantasy, but she actively fetishizes that sort of relationship. She seems incapable of going ten minutes without making some kind of reference to how much she loves these "mommies". She had a short lived blog with a different, much more messed up theme that went all out against her real life persona, and that was the only place I've ever seen her call these people groomers (the blog involved a type of mockery of right wing ***, but she wasn't using "groomer" in that meaningless sense. I could sense some real resentment there)
It's just difficult to talk to either of them when there's something like that going on. I always have to walk on eggshells, or act like I approve of their choices in partners when I really can't. But I can't tell them how to live their lives, and I don't think anyone likes to be told something they enjoy is absolutely evil when they themselves don't feel the same way. I'm worried prying into these things could end these friendships, and I can't afford to lose any more friends these days.
What would you do if you saw someone ignoring obvious red flags, or defending them?
@greenSail3488
Have you considered .. they might have exaggerated their past ?
I know several people who embellish both good and Bad that may have happened in their life.
Like anyone with issues until they see the problem or acknowledge it is a problem they cannot fix it.... and even if you see something you cannot force them to view from your perspective.
