I think i'm aro/ace
I currently identify as a lesbian, but im starting to think im not actually. like it feels like i'm forcing myself to be interested in people and relationships. I have always been someone who dislikes physical touch and is really bad at showing romantic feelings, but whenever i do do it, it feels like im just putting on a show for everyone. Like im trying to prove that i am capable of it. At first i thought it was just because i didnt like guys so i came out as bi and then eventually got enough courage to say lesbian, but i still feel the same way. I still feel like im just putting on an act and forcing myself to show romantic attraction to people. I have never had a celebrity crush either, it just felt weird.
All that make me think that i am aroace. HOWEVER, I really want a relationship and to do ykw but i dont think i would be able to do it comfortably. So the problem is that i dont really know if i am in fact aroace, or if im a lesbian or just a really anxious/awkward bisexual.
So i was wondering if there are any aro/ace people who give me some advice, or someone who can help in anyway.
Thank you <3
@ShinyRock Wow. As soon as I read the title and then the first line, I was like, "I was in the exact same situation!!!!"
It's hard to go through these kinds of feelings when they just feel so niche. In a way, it kind of makes you feel alienated from everybody else. It feels like there's something wrong with you that nobody else can understand.
As an aroace person, I totally get where you're coming from! From what I'm reading, it seems that you're into romantic/sexual attraction in theory but not romantic/sexual attraction in practice. What many people tend to forget is that aromanticism/asexuality is a spectrum; it does not necessarily deprive you from attraction in those regards, but rather, emphasizes that what you feel inside is below the perceived societal standard of romantic/sexual attraction. Personally, I say that I'm aroace so as to not confuse others, however in the context of microlabels, I am lithromantic (more specific variation of aromantic) and apithosexual (term for sex-repulsed). You might wanna look into lithromanticism since it sounds quite similar to the way you're feeling right now.
On a concluding note - it can be quite difficult to find other people in the aroace community since we're constantly being invalidated/underrepresented within society. Whether you end up identifying with aroace labels or not, just know that your feelings will always be valid!
@iloveorangecatsmeowmeow Thank you so much omg. It really feels weird, like almost every other person i know is constantly talking about sex and crushes or whatever and i can just never be anywhere near as excited. It definitely feels weird not being able to relate to them or join in the conversation.
It's such a relief that someone else has had similar feelings. it makes the whole thing feel less weird if you know what i mean
I'm Asexual too!!!
@ShinyRock I hear what you're saying and relate to a lot of it. I also identify as lesbian, but it was the same thing. I never really felt that pull toward anyone. That's not to say that I have never had crushes per say. I can count on one hand the crushes I have had at almost 30, but still technically crushes just very few and far between. I don't know what I identify as because I literally don't feel attracted to people.
I also want a relationship but I don't know how to go about it. Like how am I supposed to pick someone if I don't have sexual or romantic attraction towards them? If I decide to try and start dating for the first time in 5 years do I lead with "I don't find you attractive, but I am hoping if we keep this up I will eventually feel it" and end up leading them on? Do I just try and let it happen naturally like I have and been on ZERO dates in half a decade? It hasn't worked yet, but who knows.
Not to mention that since I feel no attraction to anyone, what if I could end up interested in a man if in the right circumstances? Am I discounting people just because I came out as a lesbian while in high school based on the lack of attraction towards men but not realizing I also wasn't attracted to not-men?
Being ace is like... so confusing. I still want to be in a relationship and "ykw" but I don't know who I want to be in a relationship with. What I am saying is, I feel you on a deep level. Sometimes I just wish I could be normal and like someone like everyone else around me can.
