Asexual & aromantic: My journey
Hey guys!
My journey of finding my sexuality has finally come to an end... after 8+ years, I have found the right term.
I'm aromantic and asexual. Aroace.
So I wanted to share this with you, in case you are wondering! I'm also willing to ask any questions, so shoot ahead.
When I was thirteen, my best friend came out as bisexual to me. I didn't even know what that was, as I grew up quite conservative. Pretty soon, I understood that I could identify with that too! I didn't find men that attractive or interesting and women were so pretty...
Finding that out for myself was breathtaking and a little shocking - but it made me proud that I'm not ordinary.
For years, I thought I had what the community called "going down the bicycle". All the time, questioning wheter I was fully into girls, then other times it felt like I was only into guys.
At the same time, my other friend came out as asexual. She was and still is terrified that she will never find a man who will stay for her - without sex. And I remember that I didn't even understand the problem. Telling her that it's gonna be fine, sex is not that important.
A year ago, I slowly started to realize that to others, sex is that important. And that felt like a joke to me.
It was eyeopening. Discovering that what I have thought is fictional is very real and everyone around me feels it - but not me.
I read into it, watched tons of videos and figured out, that I am 100% asexual. I don't mind reading about sexual stuff, watching stuff. But as soon as it comes to me, there is like... a lack of understanding. I don't understand sexual attraction or sex itself. Physical touch.
Whilst my research, I stumbled across an aroace video. And it hit. All I've ever felt, ever did, was put into words and explained. I have never felt more confident with a term, never felt that right. I've never had a crush (only little ones, fantasizing about one person but it stopped when I thought about that person actually being interested), never been in love, never been in a commited relationship. Yet I kept looking for love in all corners of the world, only to find out, I'm lacking in that department. And it felt relieving.
On most days, I'm completely fine with being aroace. I do not mind that all my friends fall in love and I don't. I don't mind that my grandparents ask me every single time when I'll bring home a partner.
And sometimes.... I feel incredibly lonely, knowing I'll never feel what all others feel. Knowing I'll never experience love.
If you have experienced this as well and see some similarities, please comment or hit me up! I'd like to hear some of your stories!
Hope you are all right! 🌟