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hello, sorry its been a while. I havent been using 7 cups much but I should start back up again. This going to be a patch work of thoughts and experience I've had over the past month or so since my last update. Im still sober from my behavioral and substance addiction. Ive added no alcohol as part of my new years resolution but it was previously regulated to once a week with subsequent breaks out of respect for the recovery programs I intend having an emphasis on alcohol. The reasons for this particular abstinence are for a practice in self control, avoiding using it as a crutch, and to be more aligned with other members of my recovery programs. I fell short of last month's goal for physical health and career, but my self study has gone very well. Im reading "Healing Developmental Trauma," by Laurence Heller and "Finding your best self, Recovery from addiction trauma or both." Both of these books have been great. The first discusses the neuroactive relational model for treament, survival needs, adaptive survival styles, and the shame and pride based counter identities associated with each style. Ive taken a lot from this one. The second one has a good amount of journal work and self reflection built into and has been a good partner alongside counseling. Ive also watched and curated a youtube playlist for mental health. I would recommend Andrew Huberman, Goobie and Doobie, Zoe winter, Patrick Teahan, Ted talks, and shows featuring Gabor Mate. My reading list has grown a lot and I would love the opportunity to work through it. My next read is workbook/journal for shadow work. After that either psychology of the unconscious or modern man in search of a soul by Carl Jung. Afterward either "the body keeps score,", "The myth of normal," or "The mountain is you." Weekly, I'm still volunteering, attending church, attending counseling, and attending addicts anonymous. My therapist referred me to a psychiatrist and I'm looking forward to that a lot. I appreciate all the help I've received and the work I've done, but something more finite would really raise my confidence and provide some assurance. I think id like to try medication but maybe after continued sobriety from everything. I'm also interested in electromagnetic brain stimulation or TMS, probably more so than medication. I'm going to start a 40+ hour relapse prevention program and Im really looking forward to it. Sobriety, education, community, and service remain pillars of my recovery. I feel a lot healthier and I'm utilizing better coping skills. Im very confident in my ability to stay on this path. Unlike past attempts of self improvement and/or abstinence, I'm not alone; both in the resources for my recovery, but also who my recovery benefits. Between the recovery clinic, counseling, my girlfriend, my family (thats been growing closer together lately), community at church, and community at the shelter, I don't feel alone anymore. Im not necessarily proud of myself yet but im no longer being self destructive. My recovery is growing past me and its not something worth sacrificing.
Next months goal is for better physical health and career advancement. I signed up to donate monthly to 2 charities and I'd like to be more financial secure so I can pledge 25% of my income or business profits to a good cause. I want to have a positive impact on the world. It would be a beautiful opportunity and an honor to do so.
I'll leave off with a few lessons that have stuck with me
Al Anony 2 month chip "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Discipline is a form of self care. Forsaking discipline is a form of neglect.
Do not establish avoidant goals. Make a goal based off desire, these tend to show more resistance against diversity.
What youre not changing, youre choosing.
My reflection or why that I read at least once a day to maintain perspective-
"I will live a proper life with dignity. I will live above my ideals. I will serve and protect others. I would love the opportunity to see all the joys of life. I will be deserving of the love of my partner, friends, and family. I will strengthen my resolve and remain disciplined. I will continue to better myself, both for myself and loved ones. I will always find new goals and boundaries for myself. I dedicated myself to recovery in perpetuity, so that I may look at my past with pride and acceptance. I will honor the memory and ideals of my friend who left too soon. I will honor the trust, grace, and respect others have given me. I am going to give the world, and myself, my best. I am going to continue my sobriety, education, connection, and service."
