leeched onto her

i cant wait for monday, i want monday to be my new step towards bettering myself, and also i just wanna wake up and do my makeup, i love my makeup its like the remnants i have left of back when i used to draw more often

my dad freaking sucks at driving i have such a bad headache from the smell of sweat, mold, cigarettes, black coffee, and mens cologne, combination of all my least favorite smells ughh

school today was okay, i was pretty productive, only because i really liked how my handwriting looked today. otherwise it was okay, that reminds me, i'm so grateful for the friends i have at school, all of them have been so supportive of me quitting smoking, and they even came up with an at home rehab plan, what will i ever do without them?

anyways i think i'm gonna go home and have some rice. yummy !!!

i wanna tweak so bad but at the same time im kinda happy, i've been productive (lowk by force tho) but i haven't wrote cornell notes for my AP psychology class in a long time, i got 4 sheets done today and i have about 7 more to go.

I feel kinda somber today though, i've been reflecting on my past behaviors and i truly feel terrible for getting myself in an addiction and being so insecure from way before i even got addicted, i truly wish i could've done everything correctly from the start, but i wanted to dig my grave and put my foot in it and here i am, stuck in it.

on somewhat good news, i'm supposed to meet the chemical specialist in my school later on today, im hoping this time i dont mess up again trying to quit, i hate seeing how much i hurt everyone because i kept telling lies about my addiction. i truly do hope i dont mess up when it comes to this issue of mine, i've messed up and gone back too many times to count and hurt everyone in the process, i hope by doing this i can heal myself and make amends to everyone else around me that i've affected

I genuinely don't understand how some people are not willing to be open minded and learn about other perspectives and opinions, let alone think that only THEY are the right ones and force it onto others too, i was talking with my mom in the car ride home from school and i have a septum piercing, my mom is not a fan of piercings in general, she's tried to ask me why i did it and i explained to her that i simply just wanted to and for self esteem purposes and i like the look of piercings, but she keeps telling me that what i'm doing is not "right" without any other explanation besides like traditional views of how it doesnt look nice (to them) and how a lot of successful people (that they see) don't have tats or piercings, i told her that i respect her opinion but i explained my opinion of what i think of piercings and that a lot of people that are successful still have piercings and tats, and that what she sees is not the only type of reality we have, idk anymore bro i'll just let it go i guess

today was pretty eh at the start, but im feeling very accomplished today, i did my hmw for 5 hours !! normally i'm very academically irresponsible so this is a huge thing for me.

otherwise, earlier today i got to meet up with my school's social worker and i got to get everything that's been on my mind as of late off my chest, it feels so nice to have support resources in person AND online