Turning around
My life is a turmoil currently. As a student I've been a massive failure and so as a daughter. It takes me everything to keep my courage and not run for the hills. Sometimes I am disgusted by myself. I hate my body, it has so many flaws. My acne, my teeth , my face. Everything all at once. It is so frustrating. My mum doesn't even help me out. I feel alone. I should be, i deserve to be. I just want to change everything at once. But that's just not possible. I need to work hard for another year, and for the rest of my life to live the life i want to. To pursue the things i want to. To be happy, to not end up being a serial killer with a damned childhood.
"Standing before this building, I learn something about fear. I learn that it is not the idle fantasies of someone who maybe wants something important to happen to him, even if the important thing is horrible. It is not the disgust of seeing a dead stranger, and not the breathlessness of hearing a shotgun pumped outside of Becca Arrington’s house. This cannot be addressed by breathing exercises. This fear bears no analogy to any fear I knew before. This is the basest of all possible emotions, the feeling that was with us before we existed, before this building existed, before the earth existed. This is the fear that made fish crawl out onto dry land and evolve lungs, the fear that teaches us to run, the fear that makes us bury our dead." ~ Quentin Jacobsen, Paper Towns by John Green