Journal/ diary thingy idk
Hey. YT here. I figured I might start a diary or smt here on cups to stash all my random not useful at the moment thoughts under the bed. There most likely would be some triggering stuff so TW just in case. Anyways please save me from the public humiliation and not tell me you’ve read anything on this 😀 yay I guess
Today is the 13th of August over here so 13/8/24:
There’s a science test tomorrow, I failed my math test already and I haven’t finished my art homework. Been telling myself to actually do something useful. Can’t. At least I can’t order my brain to agree and not forget what I should do. Tired. I don’t wanna do the depression and anxiety test. Been putting it aside for 3? 5? Idk how many days. I guess I have a better life than a lot of people but here I am still complaining :/ I probably need to stop this but I guess I’m still here yapping… probably will stop yapping soon.
17th August here
I see the green owl outside my window… I’d probably have to do duolingo tasks soon lol
Still today
idk why im so uncomfortable with offering virtual hugs or receiving them sometimes. It can really help people by doing that in the right time but idk why im so hesitant to do that or offer help or stay in the support room just in case someone needs me or be a ball of energetic sunshine someone needs. ):
that’s cowardice isnt it :/
20/8 over here
I’ll probably be scolded by the 6 year old me. I disappointed her a lot and I don’t know how to make things work anymore. Somehow distracting myself with something else doesn’t work well anymore, I don’t know what exactly I want and therefore I have no idea on how I could possibly get myself to enjoy something and shove the problems under the rug. Was soaked from waist down from the rain today and now I will have to wear the old pair of school shoes which are technically broken or the new ones I have never walked in before. The end of year exams are coming and the fact that this is a streaming year is not helping. I wonder if anyone is gonna see my post and ignore it or there’s nobody visiting this place. I guess both works out for me. I’ll be squashing the part of me that yearns for attention further back until it will never ever see the light of day.
21/8 here
managed to pull through for today and there’s my favourite lesson tomorrow yayayy been deciding to camp in the classroom with my friend after the class since it’s lunch after that. Must prove to the teacher we’re fit to take computing next year yayy
@OhHelloThereImHere
Sorry for lurking promise am not gonna lurk anymore 🤞🤞🤞, Unicornnnnnm I just wanted to say ,remember that you're not alone in your struggles,frrr we all face challenges, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed.
Your academic pressures, mental health concerns, and self-doubt it's okay , it's okay feel that way frr I also failed maths more like I always failed math I was never really good at it ,I also failed literature in my finals but that didn't make me give up and I hope you don't give up instead try working harder and your gonna be acing those exams frr
Keep writing, and remember to be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can, and that's something to be proud of, it's okay to hesitate to offer support but I've seen you do it, you are way better than meeee,frr your doing the best you can and it's already nice of you fr and your not a coward 🥺🥺, it's okay to not know what you want, wanna know a secret yk I didn't really wanna go to college frr cause of yk ? Heart stuff, but I decided I wanted to go you know why ? I realized that even if everything is gonna cut short I wanted to achieve something,it's all a step my step progress frrr,if you asked me about what I wanted years ago I wouldn't have known but now I do, I Know what I want and I am sure you'll figure out what you want tooooo, it's a step by step movement,and ,you can't shove your problems under the rug they'll only come out to meet you again, you've got got to move on and don't let everything bother you frr,and am sure you're gonna ace this exam unicorn am rooting for you 🤞🤞 🤞
*Hugs you super tighttttttttttttt* not enough to crush your bones though 🥺🥺
Keep going, and know that you're stronger than you think🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄
And thanks for the unicorn pfp I really love itttt 🥺🥺🥺🥺
1/9 here today
ive been feeling awful recently. Don’t really come on cups more often. Idk if it’s the weather, my sleep, the stress of the end of year exams or something else. It might even be all mixed together or a combination of something. Idk. It just feels like a load of not fun days in a row for me. Been saying “idk” a lot too. It doesn’t feel like a good sign. I hate it when I feel all bad and stuff and try to help myself but I’m always so scared to help someone else, scared that I’ll make things worse, just really really worried that I’ll mess up and cause bad stuff that could be avoided to happen. It’s horrible to feel that way. I don’t want to just watch when someone vents. I want to help. But I’m too scared to. And I don’t know how. It sucks. :c
still today
life sucks
i suck
duolingo sucks
i dont wanna do anything anymore
i wanna just poof and disappear
im scared of pain
im scared of losing everything i have
im scared of being alive
im scared of emotions controlling me
im scared of being not able to help anyone
im scared of going out
im scared of facing another day
im scared, and afraid, and really really desperate for something to get me out of this state.
the old me probably will say something like “life sucks, therefore tell life to suck an egg and live it your way.”
I don’t need the old me
old me sucks
too optimistic
get disappointed too easily
I don’t wanna care about life anymore
I wanna let it go as it flows
i dont wanna control it anymore
i cant
I don’t know what to do
everyone is being so strong
i want to be too.