For me
I'll js type wtv I feel everyday bc it's too weird? This loneliness eating me alive. Moms gone, brothers gone, idk if a friends gone but yea. Things changed alot. Can't even cry or express my feelings nowhere other than cups. I have to stay happy for younger brother n keep him away from seeing me go crazy. It's hard to stop ur tears and show people things fine. It's hard to keep lying u have eaten. It's all hard when u miss them and dont even know if they miss you back. Thought I'd go out with friends but all of em travelling already. Just more than lost ever in this room. Trynna use the pain to get "stronger"?but what a loser I am who could only scratch this loser's face to a point it bled. Then lied to dad about me falling on the ground. Couldn't do what brain told me. Idk what to call myself for that tbh. Js too tired to even get off bed now, too tired to listen to music, too tired to study or anything at all. Odk if dads actong sweet is him being fake or he acc cares abt me no more. I'm rlly tired
The constant fear, the difficulty to breath, the feeling of running away and vanishing. Idk why. I'm scared and I don't know why. I don't feel safe and I don't know why. It's prob just me but idk why.
It's like I'm slowly dying in this bed
In search of love
From anywhere
Can't ever get the love I needed
How much I'm hated by dad
How much I'm hated by brother
How much I'm hated by everyone
I'm js dying for love
It's like I'm begging atp
But then I just end up crying out here
I wish i could scream right now
It's like I'm going crazy in this lonely room
Going insane by listening to dad talk *** abt mom n brother everyday
I wanna go break the *** window and just end this all
I can't
thought dad really cared about me
fell for his trap again
to listen to the truth he said today
it hurts so bad..
he has always hated me..
he never loved me..
im so hated
"just 2 more years and ill get rid of you like your mom and brother"
"you and your brother made my life worse"
"never got peace from my parents, my brothers, and now you"
"you ruined my life"
"i dont care about you"
"no one loves you"
-someone i call dad.
Why is it so hard to move on from the past?
All those years as a kid and growing up I'd watch dad beat mom up for no *** reason. Watch her cry. Watch him kick her face, watch her lips bleed, watch her shaking, watch her passed out on the ground, watch dad buying a new knife every fight to literally FICKING KILL US. No but no one cares, do they? No one's there for u when ur crying out there asking for help and u only hear people in the background laughing at how much of a "kid" u are.
I cried, no one cared.
No one loved me, told me it's okay, it's gonna be okay, I'm here for you. I was all alone every time.
Screamed once out of fear when he was gonna beat her. Ended up getting my fingers cut by dad. Don't remember how, but remember my fingers bleeding. That day I was told by brother, "he has always hated you". Which I still find it hard to realize he acc hates me and has always hated me.
No one cares.
I was shaking and crying when he threatened to kill us, but no one cared. He didn't care. I was sitting next to him and he was js on his phone..
Watched mom almost going insane cuz of him. Got to a point she'd start punching him when he'd do anything. Watched brother go crazy, breaking everything infront of him. I was still scared. He prob almost ended that day.
But again, no one cares. They find it funny.
I'm a l o s e r.
" if you and ur brother would've supported me when ID *** BEAT HER UP, ALMOST *** KILL HER
@sFUCK YOU SUHA I HATE YOU
i keep telling u suha, he doesnt love u
he never loved u
hes never gonna love u
u dont *** get it
hes being fake only
i hate u for this. u js deserve this atp
Miss yall. Js too numb now. Wish I could hate u brother. But I cant. Why were u there for me when no one was? When u were gonna js leave me alone again after all that. U only hurted me more. Why'd u change like the rest? Thought i finally found someone who could understand me n cares abt me. Why'd u change like the rest? Sorry, I tried being the good sister. Tried being there for u in all ur hard times. When dad would beat u up when you'd protect mom, when parents made u break up with her. I tried my best being the good sis bro. But I think I failed again lol. U did ur best too when u came back from uni. But why'd u change like the rest? I'm so hurt. Moving on doesn't even sound easy. When he came in my room n broke stuff, u yelled at me instead. I know u meant it for dad, but u never came n told me "dw I'm sorry I didn't mean it for u". He almost "killed" me n u yelled at me. Why'd u change dude? Then u js stopped talking to me. Why tf did u help me then leave me alone? Why tf? Mom's been there for me but I'm sorry I can't watch her cry everytime after getting beaten up by belts, kicks, chairs. I can't listen her crying everyday on call now. I can't listen to dad talk *** abt yall everyday n ask me for support as if I'm his therapist. I can't when I see brother ignoring me in every call now. Leaving the painting I made him..
@someoneidk468 bro i *** hate you
@someoneidk468 *** you bro. *** you. why tf u born? what are u even made for? js used as a therapist for dad? used as a therapist for mom? no one cares tf abt u. ur useless if u dont show "support". *** "support". reality is you. are. h a t e d. and i hate u for existing. i hate u fr. no use staying alive no more. ur *** no one. just "loved" if u show "support" and get good grades. thats all. you're no one. no point getting good grades n "proving" them good parents. failures. js di e bro i hate u
yk what atp js accept things the way they are. nothing's gonna change anyway. i died yesterday already.
