Childhood unmet needs

For a long time people have talked about trauma and resilience. But as children we all had needs, needs that were supposed to be met by our family and care givers. I’m no learning about childhood unmet needs and the impact it has on us years after we have grown from children to adults. How we at times make decisions that we ourselves wonder why would I do that. As I look at my struggle to form meaningful relationships with others. Filling the gap with work because work won’t leave, work won’t hurt, work doesn’t need vulnerability. How do I risk filling the love and acceptance I need without risking my sanity. Is it better to be broken and functional than to risk vulnerability and breaking completely.