YOU,ME,WE,US

I stood over a kitchen counter , took a deep breath , and did what was probably my 20th line that night. Who knows really, I don’t keep count.

It was 3am and a few of us had made our way to a little after hours meeting of minds. Standing around the kitchen island like knights of the round table , trading stories , drinking , smoking and doing absurd amounts of cocaine.

A more than average Friday night for our friendship circle of well to do spoiled brats with our parents Amex cards and devil may cry attitudes all in tow.

Its a common statement , time flies when you’re having fun, but our time stood still. For us we deserve to revel in the moments we shared and dare anyone to try and stop them.

5am came fast , and so did I . Zing ! Along with a reminder that I had drowned in a pool or whiskey on the rocks and PBR.

My phone rings , as I’m in the midst of partaking in yet another line of cocaine , however this time , I’d made my way to the bathroom with the daughter of a B-list movie star , who I’m sure would prefer to be left out , although , I’m near positive they would never see this.

My mom was calling.

“Where are you at? We’re leaving in 20 minutes and you haven’t even packed , let alone came home”

Oh yeah , we were leaving for thanksgiving holidays to visit my 99 year old grandmother and family on my dads side and had an 8 hour drive ahead of us. But here I am moderately drunk , coked out and unfulfilling this young ladies needs , I’m sure , instead of being responsible in the slightest.

I drove. 30 minutes from my friends house to my parents. I arrived to a fury of motion and yelling , grabbed a bag and threw whatever I could gather quickly into it , my laptop , headphones , jacket , changed into some sweatpants , did another bump in the bathroom and we were on our way.

My parents , for the record had no idea what so ever I did any sort of drug at all. Let alone stayed out all night doing some of the most debaucherous activities that we could hold our own with the likes of Motley Crue themselves.

That was 2009.

That story is important enough to actually put in writing for this for a couple of reasons.

It highlights the start of my battle with cocaine , and the slow end to those types of nights. Everyone was graduating college the following spring. We all were going into the real world and moving on. But also it’s a story that reminds me to this day , that I have time and time again avoided , forgotten , and flat out put drugs , fun and my wants over the important things in life.

Im far removed from the party animal I used to be. But I’m a much worse version of myself than 2009 me ever was.

And this is my first take at putting it out there in writing to maybe bring closure to myself over things and to help with myself and who I want to be and work on myself before I can’t.