Soul Diaries

7/17/22

This past week in my journeys was quite busy in its own way. Being able to sit and chat with members around the various parts of Cups was as fulfilling as it always has been. I've found myself here quite often, be it as a Listener or a Member. I have so much gratitude for my fellow listeners in this community for being warm and supportive, and to our members for feeling able to come here and share their stories with others.

I wrote something in my journaling earlier that I actually felt like sharing here with you all. Someone in my life offline asked me a question, and encouraged me to journal about it. This is what I would like to share:

These are things that I am actively working on correcting in my own thinking. I am working on reaching out when I need support. I am working on just asking for things without letting myself feel guilty or afraid. I am working on finding my worth, and finding things that help me feel useful (being on Cups is one of them). I am working on recognizing that the effort I put in, even though it may not SEEM like a lot, is worth something. I am working on holding proper boundaries and not letting people walk all over them. I am working on better managing my time and spoons to be there for myself and others when they need it.

I am not worthless. I am not useless. I am not a burden. I am human. My wants and needs matter just as much as everyone else’s do. My health and wellbeing matters just as much as everyone else's does. These are things that I have to remind myself of. Every. Single. Day. Especially on the days where I feel like things have gone to heck and I find myself heading down the mentality of, “Well, it’s already awful, screw it.”

I, as a human being, am a constant work in progress. We, as people, are all constant works in progress. We have ups and downs, good days and not so good days. However, the not so good times do not discount the effort that we're putting into our journeys. We are people, living and growing together, finding our way.

There are going to be moments where we may feel like giving up. Like what we're doing isn't good enough. Like we're not good enough. That last paragraph is a challenge. A challenge to myself, and to all of us, to take a step back and see that, yes, we are trying our best. Even if that best might not seem great to other people, or feel great to us, it is still our best.

And that, my dear lovelies... Is what really matters. You are loved. You are valued. You matter.

7/19/22

Ah, Tuesday. The start to a new week. Today feels especially exciting, I suppose for a variety of offline related reasons. Waking up to the news that I received my Verified Listener checkmark yesterday was also very special. One more step forward on this grand Cups-land journey! My internship is going well so far, and I feel like I'm finding the path I want to take here as a volunteer with you all.

I spent most of yesterday offline exercising my skills of Active Listening with someone close to me. It felt really amazing to give them that space to talk, to explore with the open-ended questions and feedback. It's honestly really neat to think about, just how much what we do here as Listeners, what we learn about ourselves, about how to listen actively, has such a big impact on our lives as a whole.

Out in the world offline, I'm finding that I'm able to really pay attention more. To listen, and use those experiences in my own growth. Listening to the experiences that our members share with us also helps a lot. I find myself noticing things when we're talking, and go, "Hey, this talk impacted me. I should sit with it and examine where the feelings are coming from. Am I just empathizing very deeply with what we discussed, or is there something else going on?"

In the long and short of things, I'm so grateful for this journey. I feel like there's been so much personal growth, and being able to see my long-term members grow always brings a measure of joy. Even when my members reach out to let me know, "Hey, I'm having a bad day, can we talk?" It makes me really happy that they're reaching out for support.

So, thank you, my lovelies. You are loved. You are valued. You matter.

7/22/22

Another week slowly drawing towards its close. I have found myself reflecting on how these weekdays have gone this week, and feeling an immense amount of joy. Hosting the Sharing Circle on weeknights (7pm Eastern) has proven to become one of the things that I'm really passionate about. I had to miss this past Monday and Tuesday with some offline-related things that came up, and I genuinely missed being there. I missed seeing regulars that usually pop in and out of the Circle, and the new faces that come around.

That particular group feels like a sort of like a home to me. A central gathering place where members can seek and provide support to one another, and where listeners can swing around and support the members. I can feel the warmth and the love so much in that room. The genuine care and concern that our people have for one another. Circle, for me, feels like one of those places where I can pop by, regardless of the time of day, and simply be.

Next Saturday, I will be starting to host guided discussions in the Healthy Living room in the evenings (7pm Eastern). The nerves... The nerves are real! I'm excited and nervous, for sure. I'm really looking forward to being able to do this with the folks here on Cups. There are a number of discussions available that have piqued my interest, so there's plenty of content to share!

I've also applied to be a Room Supporter on the member side, Safety Patrol, and the GLDD academy program. Lots going on, and I'm just super excited for all of it! My journey through the Internship program is also going really well so far, I feel. I'm learning a lot as a listener from being part of it. From the training guides, 1-on-1s, and simply participating around the site in the group rooms and forums. It's a real joy to be able to work towards my goals here amongst like-minded people.

Remember, my lovelies... You are loved. You are valued. You matter. ❤️