Rhayne's Cave
Hey welcome to my cave. You may call me Rhayne or Elli. This is where I will post maybe daily updates, and my story. I want others to be respectful as this is a hard topic to share. TW: Trauma, Abuse, Drugs
🌻My story🌻 (in parts bc its long)
It began December 15, 2005 at 7:57p.m. when I was born.( I have 1 older brother that has a different dad.) The first few years of my life were good, my dad had a stable job and my mom was going to school to become an X-ray technician. Then around the age of two my mom started cheating on my dad and got hooked onto drugs so my dad decided to divorce her. (The divorce was finalized when I was about 4) The separation led to joint custody between my parents. During joint custody, I split my time with my mom and my dad. I don’t remember much, but my mom fell pregnant when I was about 3 with my younger brother. My dad was working 2 jobs at the time to make sure I had what I needed, while my mom was doing drugs and getting high with me in the house. (I didn’t know this at the time, as I was only 3.) My mom then had my little brother who’s dad was a different man than mine. My mom had full custody of my little brother as she was with his father, while my brother and I were in joint custody. After my little brother was born my mom and my brother's father started doing drugs more than ever. My mom would leave my brothers and I home at night so she could get her drug fixes. That led me to having to take care of my baby brother at age 3. I would have to feed him his bottles and put him back to sleep while my mom was busy getting high. My mom was always getting high and I remember knocking on the bathroom door asking her if she was almost done because she was in there for a while. She would go in the bathroom hours at a time doing drugs. I just wanted my mom as I was only still a young child. She would be in there for hours because she would shoot up the drugs, then fall asleep. Fast forward to when I was around 4 and my dad met my eventually stepmom. At around this time, my dad got full custody over me. I didn’t see my mom as much, and I spent a lot of time at my babysitter's house and my grandparents house, as my dad was a single father and was working 2 jobs at the time. My dad had gotten really close to my stepmom and I saw my mom less and less. I was allowed supervised visits with her and weekly phone calls. A visit I remember very vividly was one of the last visits with her, and she was in a drug rehab facility as she had been arrested for drugs. I remember that she was in scrubs, and the facility was an all women’s facility. We watched a movie, but I was very confused as to why my mom was there. I was so very young and didn't understand why she was there. That was one of the last times I saw her. From there the only contact that I had with her was over the phone. The phone calls were full of empty promises. At the age of 6, my dad and stepmom got married. Little did I know the abuse was just about to start. After they got married and we moved in together, I don't remember much, all I remember was that we went to Disneyland for my 6th birthday! I always was the outcast in the class, as I was very talkative. I tend to get into trouble frequently.
@elli025
Part 2
My sister was then born. She was the new baby in the family and it showed. At around this time I was diagnosed with a lot of mental disorders. (ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, PTSD and anxiety) As I was still so young, I didn’t really understand why I needed to take medication everyday, multiple times a day. I was forced to take medication, I didn't have an option. At this time I was still having calls with my mom, she always promised to see me, but then she would never show up. I would occasionally be able to see my little brother. He had a teddy bear named ‘Kyleigh bear.’ At this point I had turned 7! We had just moved into our new home and I was going to be starting a new school. I thought this was a new beginning, away from my past I could make new friends. I started school, but was continuously having behavioral issues due to my talkativeness. I was trying my best to make friends but I never could keep any. I finished the 2nd grade and was moving onto 3rd grade! Behind the scenes a lot was happening. My stepmom started to get more controlling and aggressive. So I started 3rd grade and I tried my best to make friends but I was constantly getting yelled at in class for talking. Around this age I started to pull my hair. I wasn’t sure why I was doing it, but it was uncontrollable. I couldn’t stop even when I put all my effort into trying. I went from therapist to therapist trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I was getting severely bullied at this point. Nobody wanted to be my friend or talk with me. I felt so alone. My hair pulling eventually got so bad, my stepmom decided it was best to shave my head. I was only about 8 when she shaved it the first time. I tried and tried and tried to stop pulling but I just couldn’t do it. Around this time, my mom started calling less frequently, and my dad and stepmom started getting into my head. They started getting into my head that my mom was a bad person because she was a drug addict. That she was a bad mom and she shouldn’t be part of my life. Then one night, she called and I answered and I told her that I don’t want her to be in my life anymore, then I hung up. (As I look back at that, it tears me up inside, because I want her back.) Then starts 4th grade! I was at a new school at this time. Again I thought it would be a new beginning. My stepmom started to become very frustrated with me because I just couldn’t stop. She just wanted me to stop so she could have a normal daughter with hair. My first day of this new school I wore a beanie so that nobody could see that I didn't have hair. As a young girl I felt so ugly. I felt that I was disgusting looking and I just wanted to look like any other girl. Again, I was constantly getting into trouble for talking and disrupting class. The kids in class would severely bully me when they found out that I didn’t have any hair. Things at home weren’t very good either. I was constantly grounded, and my stepmom began to yell a lot more. I spent lots of time in my room, playing with my legos and listening to music. I was my escape for the outside world. I kept to myself most days so I didn’t cause issues with my stepmom. I was still pulling my hair at this time. I was diagnosed with Trichotillomania around this time. I was put on new medication, but none of the medication seemed to work. All they did was not make me hungry so I was always underweight.
@elli025
Part 3
At this point I was going into 5th grade! I was always the outcast in class. I was either very loud or very quiet. I had a very hard time making friends and keeping them, so I tended to stay to myself on the playground, playing with sand or reading a book. Then during spring break of 2016, My parents decided to put me into a group home. I was at the group home for 1 year. At the beginning of my time at the group home, I wasn’t allowed to see my family for 3 months. I was forced to go to church every Sunday, and I had to switch schools again. I was the outcast of my house because I had no hair and everyone else had beautiful hair. I was bullied severely in 6th grade. I was placed with a very abusive roommate that was about 6 years older than me. She would constantly yell and throw brushes and things at me. My house ‘father’ definitely had favorites and it showed. That made me feel so unlovable as he didn’t care about me, and didn’t treat me like all the other girls. I was constantly getting into trouble at school because I didn’t do any of my work and was talking. Back at the group home, it was portrayed that I was happy and doing well but really I wasn’t. I was constantly getting yelled at or having things thrown at me. I would get put into my room and I would scream for hours on end to let me go home even if home wasn’t good either. I just wanted out of this place. One day I told a girl on the bus that I liked her, and she told on me, then I got a talking to. They forced me to stay outside until I told them why I liked women even though I was one. They threatened to tell my parents. I eventually left that place after 1 year. I was back at home, I hadn't pulled my hair in about 1 year. I was doing great.
