Rambles and Diatribes

i think i simultaneously expect too much and too little from everyone. at this point my 'expect the worst' attitude is just another facet of my self-destructive tendecies, i'm trying to get better, to embrace healthy coping mechanisms. i really am. but i know that it's impossible to convince those who refuse to see it, because people see what they will. you can't change someone's view or perspective, you gotta live your truth as best as you are able. so that's what i'll do. be as true to myself as possible.

chameleon skin to survive. yeah. but i'm not surviving anymore, i'm living. as best as i'm able. why not be as wild and true as i am. fuck fear of messing up and being an ugly mess. the ugly parts of life are just that, part of life. you can't have the sweet without the sour; the ugly and hard to swallow is beautiful too.

i am allowed to just exist. i am a human being and the open secret of humanity is that everyone is a mess. i don't have to hide behind illusions of perfection- i am allowed to be a human and feel things. i am allowed to embrace myself as messy and flawed and unpretty as i am, cause that's the beauty of life. imperfection. cause perfect doesn't exist- even though i still want to chase that pretty, pretty lie. i'd rather be free and live my ugly truth.