Please pray for me if it's not too much to ask.
It's official. I can finally take the actual board exam this coming October 2018. I already applied for it just today. I failed four times in my mock board exams at school just so I could get my transcript of records and thus I had missed four consecutive actual board exams since I graduated from college. These were all equivalent to two years of waiting and being stuck alone with my studies and self-issues, and while my siblings' and former classmates' lives have been moving.
I've been all alone since I started reviewing for the board exam. Nobody knows except my family that I will be taking the board exam and I deleted all my social media accounts. I literally have no friends anymore and I can barely rely on my sisters since they're busy working to pay for my tuition fees and allowances. I feel really pressured to pass the actual board exam since my family paid substantial amount of money, tuition fees four times just so I can take the board exam.
Plus, I really am. I've been truly tired of being stuck, hiding, and being a burden. I've been so tired that I really don't have energy left anymore to describe and give emphasis to it. All I know is that this has been really killing me.
So please if it's not too much to ask, please include me in your prayers. Thank you so much.
@plumField5702 You got it, I am saying a prayer for you right now. You have all my empathy-- believe me I really relate to the loneliness u feel. I have weathered unthinkable extremes of loneliness and i still am very very lonely. i have lived places where i had zero friends, zero support, zero people to talk to. i have spent the overwhelming majority of my life isolated and confined. for 3 years straight i was miserable teaching in a tiny town hundreds of miles removed from anyone on earth i knew. basically almost any hour during those three years when i wasn't at the school i was completely alone holed up inside the place i was living. drowning myself in alcohol and marijuana. self-medicating that became self-destruction. loneliness is a chronic condition for me. i have never had a happy relationship have no idea what real love is like i am isolated from my family even when im n the same room with them. my #1 fear is spending the rest of my life all alone.
So let me just say this-- I am praying for you. You are not alone. Know that your plea has been heard and that the Lord knows exactly what is going on inside you. I'm happy to pray for you, chat with you, listen to you, and be your friend any time. God bless you and keep you, may the peace of the Lord be with you and may you receive much comfort from the all-powerful greatness of the Almighty.
@hollowman84
this is so heart-warming, heart-melting, heart-everything. thank you so much. suddenly i feel unlonely and motivated and i really need these two right now since i realized that it's indeed sometimes uninspiring to do things for only your own.
i'm so sorry for everything you've been though and still going through because of loneliness, but i also want to commend you for being strong and independent and doing your best to survive each day, and most especially for still being kind to strangers like me.
you had me at "i have never had a happy relationship have no idea what real love is like i am isolated from my family even when im n the same room with them." this has been me ever since. in my case, i have trust issues and i'm very sensitive that's why i always put a strain on anyone even to my family. to be honest, i'm not in speaking terms with most of them now, and it's making me feel more miserable but i can't also help being like this. it's like it's stuck in my DNA.
thank you so much, my friend. i really wish i'd pass the actual board exam. that this really finally my time. i wish all the best for you too. i pray that you'd finally find someone you can share the rest of your life with. you are lovable. please keep holding on.
@plumField5702 keeping you in my prayers. try to think that you aren't a burden to anyone (i know it's hard but try to think about anything else). also try to stop comparing yourself to others. it may feel so lonely to be left behind stuck in where you are. but you don't give up and keep pressing on, that's awesome. and you have people who love and support you in what you do. i'm sure they believe in you, they know that you've been doing your best.
all the best for your exam. please let us know how it goes
@WMi so r you saying all hope is not entirely lost for me ever finding that special companion and getting married even though im pathetic and braindamaged and super lonely with my life in the gutter and now trying to figure out a new career path but im a total failure who cant get what he wants 34 years old nowhere nowhere close to any possible conception of ever finding love. i believe it is impossible and that i will die around the age of 40 a super miserable lonely brokenhearted SOB
@hollowman84 i'm sorry if there's anything i posted above made you feel that way. never meant to say that there's no hope for anyone. i always believe that hope is the only thing that helps me keep moving forward
@WMi oh no don
@hollowman84
ahh okay, thank you for clarifying. I am relieved. Yes, to be able to have hope is like to be able to see a tiny light at the end of a long miserable tunnel which we're walking toward that light. The walk may feel very long and we may stumble and fall every now and then but we should keep looking at the guiding light. Hopefully, one day we can get out of the darkness that suffocating and drowning us. Loneliness is very hard to deal with, even when we're surrounded by our own family (the people who love us), we can still feel very lonely. It does make sense maybe it's because they don't really understand what's been really going on in our mind and how we really feel. For me, I can't really tell them because I'm too afraid to disappoint them even more, make them think that what they've been doing isn't enough.
About the future, thinking about it makes me feel anxious and scared. We'll never know what the future may bring but we can learn to overcome our fear by keep believing that God works in every situation we're in and He won't leave us. We may not feel His presence, but we can hold on to that thought and trust Him. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV). I was taught to replaced the word "all things" with the good and/or bad situations I am right now. That way, I am reminded to be grateful and hopeful in everything. It's not easy to do but yea, we can keep trying.
I think you're a very strong person who has overcome a lot. 3 years with no supports and people to talk to? Whoa I don't think I'd survive that. What were you teaching back then?
@WMi
thank you so much for the reminders and motivations. i'll do my best. i really wish this would finally be my time to pass the actual board exam. hopefully i'd tell a good news to you after the exam. *fingers crossed*
@plumField5702 *fingers crossed*
7 days left before my actual board exam. I'm very scared. Still begging for your prayers.
@plumField5702 keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. all the best for your exam
BASICALLY IM A SUPER DEPRESSED MOTHERFU<K€R. Im broken, empty, hopeless. Rotting in my own coffin. No point to anything. I dont think i will ever get better. WHERE IS GOD? I need help. I feel so freakin alone.
We were told that the result will be released today but it's still isn't here and I'm so nervous. I hope at least somebody's praying for me to pass this.
@plumField5702 i'd be very anxious *praying for the best*
@WMi thank you. I really need that right now. That means a lot.