Of Popped Out Brain Cells and Unexpressed Emotions (Eeyan's Musings)

In a nutshell, it's a blood infection that renders my bloodstream incapable of transporting oxygen and nutrients to other parts of the body. Even the smallest movement like swallowing water, chewing food, or even turning to my side on the bed, I've had to fight for every breath. They had to use a catheter on me because I could not stand up and go to the bathroom even when I had people assisting me. I would collapse; my trusty oximeter reading was always below normal, dangerously low, and I always gave my nurses a workout scrambling across the hospital to get medicines or devices to help with my septic shocks which happened at such alarming rates.

Sepsis also activated some other ailments; conditions I wasn't aware I had despite monthly check-ups and laboratory tests. I am now a confirmed diabetic (thank you, maternal grandparents), I have anaemia, gallstones, a kidney stone, and other complications that still baffle me to this day.

You see, my food habit is healthy. I don't eat out often (if at all). I always cook my food, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, soda, and coffee, I dance and run (and have a very active lifestyle), I rarely eat pork as I'm a chicken and seafood kind of girl, and I am not a fan of sweets. Whenever the doctor asks about these habits, my friends and people who are always with me come to my defence because they know my lifestyle. To this day, I'm a conundrum to the doctors.

It was a harrowing experience and many times, it felt like I wouldn't make it. I almost flatlined several times, my lips and nails were blue/almost black, and it was worse than having asthma (which I also have). I know, right? Of all the things to suck at, it's breathing. Every single day, they had to extract blood from me several times, which was all kinds of *** because the IV alone in the ER took almost 45 minutes to finish as they could not find a vein. Mine are too thin and keep collapsing. My arms (yes, both) were purple because they always had to try multiple times for every freakin' extraction.

I have 4 different bottles on my IV: one for my sustenance, the other 3 were antibiotics. On top of that, I was taking 6-7 tablets and capsules 3x a day and was hooked to an oxygen tank the entire time. My body is only used to vitamins and supplements, and basic medicine like Paracetamol for when I had COVID-19, so imagine the physical reaction I had when I was required to ingest all of it. It put up a fight. None of the medicines were working.

There was a time when my mama almost gave up and said "Lord, if it's time, Your will be done." But of course, this Capricorn would always fight.

I slowly improved, and then the medication started finally taking effect. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, it was time to go home.

I've had to deal with almost two months of not moving and just laying down, so my limbs were useless. I was going around in a wheelchair while I slowly regained my mobility. Those who spend enough time with me know I run pretty fast and walk in the same manner so not being able to support myself without assistance was heart-wrenching, mind-breaking, and soul-crushing. I can't cook my food, I can't even eat the amount I want because I still have a hard time chewing and swallowing without running out of breath, and choking on solid food no matter how small of a piece it is, it is always a huge possibility.

For reference, a piece of egg roll, I'll normally eat that in 2 bites, 1 if it's a small piece. After I got out of the hospital, 1 piece no matter how small, I ate 1 bite of it for breakfast, AM snack, lunch, and PM snack. Yep. I eat a piece of egg roll in 4 bites across 4 different meals. I lost 30+ kilograms of weight.

But of course, we fight. I fought. And I'm still fighting. I can move inside the unit and visit the gardens in the building at twilight. The hot temperature still makes me collapse and lose consciousness so I still only have specific times when I can go there. I also cannot be in the elevator for a long time yet (unless it's a really good day for me) so if I want to go to the gardens scattered on various floors of the building from where I'm staying (8th floor), I have to pause every 3 floors to breath so I won't collapse.

I can also cook simple dishes now. What usually takes me 20 minutes of preparation and 15 minutes of cooking time now takes almost 3 hours for both, but it's progress. And the best part? I can take a bath unassisted now! It takes longer than usual, I've had to rest in between, but I'm getting better at it.

Lastly, the most recent ultrasound showed that my kidney stone was gone. Yey! <3 There are still a lot of things that I cannot do but I have made significant progress and have no plans of stopping.

So, here's to "welcome back to 7Cups, Eeyan!" 💛💙💜💚💖