My entry

I've been on this app for almost a week now. I'm a very private person, and this is the first time I'll speak out about some of the things I've been through. Responses are more than welcome. Over 2 years ago, I was losing my place to live because I had been struggling with paying the rent. It took me a few months to find a new job but by the time I was hired, I received an eviction notice. I enjoyed the job very much but unfortunately, because of those circumstances, I had to leave it. I had to leave the city. I had to leave someone I really cared about, and that hurted the most. I had to move back home. The few first months back I felt okay. But eventually I felt the effect. I fell into an emotional hole. I was constantly distracted, dropping things, my mind and heart elsewhere. It was noticeable enough that my family caught on. I didn't grow up in a steady family,, much less one who understands my anxiety issues If. If there was anything emotionally wrong, it wasn't exactly encouraged to talk about it, mostly the "get over it" "life goes on" attitude. Well, that's not how I process big life changes. Some things I adjust quickly, but some things I don't, especially if they impact me emotionally. I was seeing a therapist before I had to move, and I was making a lot of progress. Currently I've had to start that work all over again, hence why I'm here. I discovered that the person I fell in love with was getting married. (I'm in a better place now as far as that goes) The effects of the pandemic didn't hit me when it began, but the last couple of months, it finally did. And like that, my anxiety gradually started affecting me to the point that recently, I ran to my bedroom to "get out" of the stress that surrounded me. I felt panicked. Not only that but I was experiencing intrusive thoughts. Something I never felt before. I didn't realize until recently how much of an effect being cooped up at home affected me mentally. It was as if my mind felt a dullness. And then the anxiety on top of that made it difficult that at times I would get anxious when I left the house. I never developed agoraphobia but a couple of times when I was away from my home, I felt a panic of being away from my safety zone. As weird as it sounds, I don't completely hate my anxiety. The racing thoughts and mind is terrible, but over the years it taught me how much to tolerate and to put my self care and well being first before anything else. To those of you who also suffer from anxiety, please remember this: it CAN'T physically hurt you. Things do get better if you're willing to put the work and effort into it. You're not alone. XO.