My Thoughts

Thoughts for January 12, 2021:

There is always something that I can work on doing better. I can become a nicer more social person. I can work on the projects I put off because of my lack of motivation. I can do a lot of things to fill the time. Yet when I am sitting here writing this post I feel as if I don't want to do any of it. I want to just crawl back in bed, but I can't live life like that anymore. Maybe some day I can be the person I tend to envy.

Thoughts for January 19, 2021:

Sometimes it is hard for me to pinpoint what is bothering me. Is it my Grandmother's death, my depression, or something deeper that has been eating at me for years? I think to myself "Why does it have to always be something that is bothering me? And how could I achieve pure happiness that I have been searching years for?" My longing to be just happy with nothing bothering me or upsetting me is something that I have longed for a long time now. I hope that some day I will be able to achieve what I have seen to be impossible for quite some time. That lingering of hope is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me from falling into failure. So today I keep on keeping on and tomorrow is a mystery.