My Daily Diary
Greetings everyone! My name is Skye Rayne. I am a 19 year old male to female transgender with Boarderline Personality Disorder and Disassociative Identity Disorder. I have been this way for a little over a decade now and I have found that 7 cups of tea really lets me just open up, though I still don't fully understand why. Not that this is a bad thing in any way! Anywho, I thought I would kind of share my daily journal entries with you guys so you can get a little more insight into who I am and what I go through on a daily basis! Even though my posts will be mainly LGBTQ related, anyone else who wants to share their journal entries are more than welcome to share what ever it is about!
To get to my entry, today I got to try on a one-piece swimming suit and just about fell into tears. Though the suit fit, I had a horrible part staring back at me in the mirror. I will let you guess what that was. I normally have no problem with things getting in my way of being transgender but for some reason when ever the thing blocking my happiness is my gentels, I just feel like crying and, occasionally, just grabbing a knife and cutting it off myself. The only thing that really keeps me from actually doing this is the fact that I know it will not turn out the way I want it to, nor would it ever heal right because nothing would be done the way it is supposed to be done. -sigh- I can't wait till I can wake up from this ever lasting nightmare and just be who I feel that I am on the inside instead of this abomination that I have to call my body.
Hello! My name is Camille and I'm a 25 year old performer.I used to love going out and partying with friends, and even getting to know new people. I used to go out and drink and party and have a blast.
The last time I went out, I felt so shitty the next day, so much that I couldn't eat although I knew I had to, but I felt very nauseous for quite a while. I had no appetite for anything. Since then I've decided to only have a few drinks on very special occasions. It made me feel that the feeling I get when I'm drinking/drunk, isn't worth the terrible feeling I get the next day. My boyfriend can be quite the party animal. He loves to go out with friends and drink all night. The last few times I went out with him, I decided not to drink, although everyone around me was.I felt bored, tired and just not having as much of a good time as I wouldin my apartment just being by myself. Lately I've decided not to go out when my boyfrienddoes. Sometimes I worry that he might think I'm being anti-social? I don't know anyone and I know I can get to know them the same way I got to know the people in Winnipeg, but it just doesn't interest me as much as it used to. I don't want people to think I'm anti-social, I just think I'm becoming more and more of an introvert as I get older. To be honest, I'd much rather come home at the end of the day and do my own thing. That's when I'm happiest. Is that bad?
No nothing wrong about doing your own thing @CamAlexB
Not at all! As an individual ages their habits and tendencies change to a more mature form. For instance, as I said in my first post, I am 19, so my tendencies are games, hanging out with friends, and for my personal situation, researching more about my transgender stuff. As I get older, my desire to want to learn more will only grow and my desire to play video games all day will diminish. It is just the minds way of adjusting to what the social norm is for individuals in your age group. If people frown on it, then they don't understand the psychology behind it and that is ok! Not everyone knows this kind of stuff.
You are maturing, not becoming an introvert. You don't have to turn up to be relevant.
How about getting a doctor's opinion and surgery?
How about getting a doctor's opinion and surgery? @skyerayne
Hey everyone! So today was pretty uneventful. I really spent most of the day with my family at the Olive Garden. For those who read this and don't know what the OG is, it is a really nice Italian restaurant that many people in the US like to go to. After that I just went to the store and bought some food so I could cook meals for my roommate family as per my job in the household. My roommate, Drew, went to work so my other roommate, Rose and I went to the pool to hang out. For the second night in a row my boyfriend and I have been arguing about the idea of him coming to live with me in America or me going to live with him in Canada... Though I love America, I want to leave... It is not my home country, nor will it ever be. But that doesn't matter... I just want to be by him... I really hope this argument doesn't tear us apart, as he is the best thing that has happened to me in years.
Hey, guys. So, I'm pretty new here, and I'm trying to find out if anyone could explain what I am experiencing.. Yeah, let's give it a try.
Okay, so for example, this is basically what happens:I'm eating lunch at school. Public place, you know? Heyy, look! They're serving cookiesafter you finish your meal! Wonderful! But.. Why are you just sitting there? Don't you want cookies? Why would you pass on that? See, that's mostly what my friends ask. And this is what happens meanwhile in my head."Hey, don't you dare go with them. You're drawing too much attention, idiot!"
"Why wouldn't you go with them? Why are you even thinking about it?"
"Hah, now you're overthinkingagain. Normal people don't think like this, silly."
"Just go with them already, wont you?"
See? It's like different voices arguing oversimple things. And then my own voice blends in with a desperate:
"Shut up!"
...
I don't know, but having voices constantly commenting me in a more or less rude way, is pretty much a problem, actually. Especially when they prevent me from doing normal things.
To me, Sage, this sounds like the start of negative alters for Disassociative Identity Disorder. I had to go through a similar thing when I first developed D.I.D. Though I can't give you an official diagnosis (as I am not qualified to do so... yet...), this is pretty close to exactly what I had to deal with, only my initial alters argued about my sexual identity and orientation. Eventually new alters developed and took care of the negative ones for me and now they are gone. I am left with 3 personalities: Zach, the host, Skye (Me :3), and Tobias, the guardian alter. Like I said, I can't give you an official diagnosis myself, but it is similar. I would maybe consider seeing a psychologist to see if my suspicions are correct. I hope they are not though, DID makes it hard to have stable friendships and such... or at least it did for me.
To me, Sage, this sounds like the start of negative alters for Disassociative Identity Disorder. I had to go through a similar thing when I first developed D.I.D. Though I can't give you an official diagnosis (as I am not qualified to do so... yet...), this is pretty close to exactly what I had to deal with, only my initial alters argued about my sexual identity and orientation. Eventually new alters developed and took care of the negative ones for me and now they are gone. I am left with 3 personalities: Zach, the host, Skye (Me :3), and Tobias, the guardian alter. Like I said, I can't give you an official diagnosis myself, but it is similar. I would maybe consider seeing a psychologist to see if my suspicions are correct. I hope they are not though, DID makes it hard to have stable friendships and such... or at least it did for me.
Hey everyone! Another day, another journal entry, so here we go! I woke up around noon today to my roommates yelling at me because I haven't been waking up sooner. I suspect they don't believe that one of my medications keeps me out for long periods of time... They will either learn to accept it or find ways to wake me up sooner instead of complaining about it when they do finally decide to wake me up.-Shrugs and sighs- Anywho, besides that I decided to go and try to get my drivers license for the second time and I got lucky and passed the written portion of the test but failed the 3-point turn. I don't even know where I would ever have to use a 3 point turn in my life! My friends say a drive way to turn around in a neighborhood, but even then I don't consider that the same cause of how the turn was set up. What ever, though... I get to try again next week if I want to, maybe I'll get it then.
Don't hate your body, be fabulous at every stage of life. You are important and make a difference. God bless.
I'm a bit young, but I think I might have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I think I have an alter named Peter- he's the comfort, the companion type -but I'm not sure and I'm too afraid to bring the topic up with my therapist. I've been feeling this way since late December of 2014. Any help or advice?