First of August...Peace and Crickets

Here in the North East US, the "Summer" has been rain, rain, rain OR hot, hot, hot. My Gardening Business has been tense. Fungus, slugs a plenty, poor growth, lodging (falling over due to height) perennials, destroyed flowers. These challenges have caused many clients to be upset by lackluster flower beds. My own mood and self esteem has been greatly effected as well. I paint with flowers. Seeing things look so terrible causes me to doubt myself. I spiral into anxiety and depression. I wonder if I am a fraud. I ruminate and fear people's reactions, especially demanding clients.

But I have learned a lot this year. I have learned that my work is high quality, that I can address issues with clients about their gardens without taking the tension too seriously. There is still so much more I want to develop in as a business person. I want to get better at the money side, especially. There is always something to improve in. For me to be able to "reset" is a minor miracle. At 62, I am finally feeling like I have an adult life.

And today it is beautiful out....74 or so. Crickets are softly chirping in the fields. Swallows and their young swoop past the house toward the early goldenrod. There are still a few raspberries to savor as the tilt of the earth makes shadows longer and sunshine golden. Things are gathering the energy of summer now. It is a time of contentment and I am suddenly aware that I feel contentment and peace.