Faithful Prune Diaries #15

Okay people. I know this is going to start off odd, but I posted this on another thread a few weeks back. I copied it and put it in my Faithful Prune Diary because there is another part of this story. Thank you!

*I feel* Like a pile of crap. Why can't people just accept me for me? I got chewed out by a certain family member about my past decisions and my parenting style (permissive style). I even got told not to say how much I've done for them over the past years when I've done nothing for them. I give this person money every time I get paid and have been doing this for almost 20 years now. I even support the S. O. B.'s smoking habit by buying ciggies every time I have money, not to mention that this is when he apologizes and "tries to understand" me, considers me family. Other than that, every time I come into the light from the darkness, a fight breaks out, then I get the blame for starting them. Like, for example, I try to mention my depression. I get my phone and laptop threatened to be broken and told I am making it up for attention. My sister defends him, saying about how he is out of Paxil or he doesn't feel good, or he's out of his medical green stuff. Yes, I bring the money up in the fights, but that's because I know what's going on and I get chewed out even more. Today, I apologized for everything and asked for forgiveness. What did I get told? To find someone else to pull that $#!t on. I did all I could to make right. I told him not to expect me to forgive him. He just kept on telling me not to pull that $#!t on him. You know what? Now I know why I haven't healed from the abuse of my exes. Now I know why I can't get a grip on my depression and have to hide my medicine. It's not that he doesn't understand. It's the fact that he doesn't care about my personal wellbeing. I can't believe that I have a scar on my left wrist from a s**cide attempt from the fights with him and that I tried to OD on my sleeping pills and thought about jumping off the local bridge. All over an in-law that doesn't give a 💩, and they blamed my ex for it, then eventually blaming me for all that happened in my previous relationships. It is now time to detach from this person. I don't know how I will do it since we all live with my parents, but I will hopefully figure this one out. Their kids will still be in my life, just not him, and her if she keeps defending him. Thank you for letting me share!