Diary of MangletheFox21

People often say things like "its their loss," we shrug it of obviously because if that one person we adored can't love us then we are unloveable right? No, you deserve to be so loved . You deserve someone who will jump fences to be with you and I feel like you need to know it to.

You deserve incredible; the love we sometimes forget exists because we settle with being treated wrong. You deserve wonder + laughter and a love that makes you think "wow this is how i am supposed to be treated" And they are out there sweetheart. Until then you should carry on as you are, live + laugh and make the best memories because when you find him, i'm sure he'll want to hear all about it. I hope today has been more gente with you lovely and Ethan is the lucky one to dance with you tomorrow. You are amazing.

2/10/20

Well, I went to the dance with Ethan. It was really fun, he told me he was thinking of asking someone to draw us in the Danganronpa style after I showed him a Yandere Simulator and Danganronpa crossover. He even got the DJ's to play "Cotton Eyed Joe" after I told him that would be the only song I'd dance to. He was dressed in a blue shirt, red tie, his black coat (of course), and a top hat. I was wearing a dress that was breezy, purple, and in the high-low style. I felt beautiful in that dress. I just wanted him to tell me that, too. We went to Stewart's for ice cream after (he owed me one because I paid for his after a concert a few months ago), and I ended up paying again as he didn't have enough money. He even told the employee to just get my ice cream, and not his. That just makes my heart melt. And seeing him smile makes my day. Hell, even seeing him and talking to him makes my day. He's just such a good person and so handsome. He may not see it, but I do. And I always will.

My taekwondo belt test got delayed until the 12th due to weather. I'm feeling better about it, and I think I have it down.

2/21/20

I got my yellow belt in taekwondo! The test was about 2 hours long, as the whole test was review of our basic kicks, blocks, and punches, our form, then, when we got our new belts, we had to do a whole meditation thing. It's hard to explain and I'm tired, maybe I'll explain it later.

Ethan invited me to his brother's suprise birthday party at Apex, and I did go. I had so much fun with him, we got to play a bunch of arcade games, then bumper cars and lazer tag. Our team came in 1st, I got 2,500 points (yeesh...), and Ethan got something like 7,000 points, and he claimed it was because he plays Overwatch. We both got plastic swords, and we went to Ethan's house. There we watched STBlackST's videos, and we fooled around with our swords by pretending to cut off each other's heads. He was so playful.

Well, Ethan and I have definitely gotten closer. I even was invited by him to go to a suprise party for Isaiah at Apex. As for the whole head-on-shoulder thing, he still lets me do it. The only thing is that he pulls away whenever his family comes around. Take after Apex, Ethan, Paul (his stepdad) and I went back to his house, we played around with our plastic swords. I've never seen him that playful. It was like there were two different Ethans: the reserved, quiet one who keeps to himself, the Ethan that I see in school, and the Ethan I saw that night. The Ethan I saw that night was playing around, pretending to die as I put my sword to his throat, and being...so cute! We watched some Unusual Troubles on YouTube, then my dumbass realized I wasn't locked out of my house, I could use the garage door (the family was at my brother's school watching the play Spamalot). I felt so stupid, I apologized so many times to Raquel. I learned last night that Ethan watched Dark Deception too, a game that, thanks to Kubz Scouts, I got into. I asked him to watch some more Kubz Scouts, as he is one of my favorite YouTubers, and he had me watch TheGameSalmon's version of Dark Deception, and I have to say, Salmon is a really funny YouTuber.

Back to Ethan, I suppose. We've gotten so much more comfortable around each other, I saw him leaving Chemistry today. As usual, he was absorbed in his phone, probably on Reddit or watching Unusual Troubles. I tapped him on the shoulder as I walked by, he looked up and smiled. God, that smile melts my heart. I don't understand why the other Lab Schoolers don't want to be his friend. He's really an amazing person, people just need to get to know him. I know he's really antisocial at school, but he's really like me. I don't really open up unless I know I can trust them. I mean, I wouldn't tell a random stranger that I cut myself, just as Ethan wouldn't tell someone he doesn't know very well about his dad (the as*hole, I f*cking hate him, and I never even met him). Even I don't know a lot about Ethan's dad, and I'm really close with him. Part of it is that I don't push it. I know his dad almost killed Raquel, and made Ethan and Isaiah shave their heads for no reason. Ethan was bald twice, as far as I know. Once was because his dad made him, the other time was because his hair got so matted they had to shave his hair. As far as I know, that's why both Ethan and Isaiah have long hair. Also, is it bad if I lowkey want to braid their hair? I still have to introduce them to the deliciousness of boba. Going back to yesterday, when I arrived, the McCues/Johnsons were making caramel apples. Ethan asked if I wanted one, and I replied, "Did you forget about these, Ethan?", then tapped my braces. Raquel and Isaiah had a good laugh about that. Their cat, Boops (Boopersnoot is her full name) seems to really like me. She actually licked me and rubbed against me. Lola, Liam, and Lucy are warming up to me, but much more slowly than little Boops. Ethan told me that Lola, Liam, and Lucy are all siblings, except Boops, and that's why Lola, Liam, and Lucy all have "L" names.

Ethan is apparently not looking for a relationship during high school, and I respect that. It doesn't keep me from wanting to date him. Sometimes I swear I want to just kiss him, but I know that isn't what he wants. So I have to restrain myself, even if it hurts me.

@MangleTheFox21 oof, I made a mistake. I wrote 6 months when I meant over a year.

Day 2142190 of Quarantine:

I'm bored, hungry, and I want to see my friends again, but noooo, Coronavirus had to come in and mess everything up. I miss being able to hang with my friends and not have to be 6 feet away from them. I miss school (I know, *gasp*), and I miss Ethan. I miss being able to go outside without fear of being infected, and I miss going to the store and not have the whole toiletries aisle completely empty. I miss being able to get away from my family when they piss me off.

Ethan and I started texting at 12am and we were just texting memes to each other until I got caught. My phone is currently being held hostage by my parents.

Day ? of Quarantine-

Welp. My phone is still in my parent's possession and will be until the end of the school year. I've been video chatting (VC) with Ethan a lot, at least once a week. I've also been making friendship bracelets to hopefully sell at some point after this quarantine ends. I've made 3 so far, and I want to make a lot more before I list any for sale. I'm also going to sell knitted scarves, should keep me busy till quarantine ends.

11/06/20

Mimi has COVID-19. I'm honestly still in shock. Why couldn't it have been me who got COVID? I'm young, even if I got the virus it won't have devastating effects on me like it would Mimi. I love her so much, so, so much. And what's worse is that it's much more than likely that Mr. Gilbert will have COVID, too. Months of being careful around them, just to have them get the very virus I was trying to protect them against.

This is my 2nd straight week of being all virtual, and...while I'm passing 6/8 classes, the 2 classes I'm not currently passing is not good enough in my parent's eyes. Almost all 80's, yet the 2 50's I have and are currently making up work in are not good enough. It's not like I'm already upset, noooo. I'm apparently never good enough for these two. At this point, I don't give a single f*** about school, I just want to spend the day playing Howrse and watching Jacksepticeye scream "PULL THE LEVER!! WRONG LEVAAAAAARRRR!!!" and simp over CORPSE Husband's voice.

I'm done.