Bipolar Bad@ss
I hope my title is okay. I just really love to call myself "bipolar bad@ss" because it is kind of a job but also a way to get power and strength from my condition, letting go of the embarrassment.
Anyway, hi. My name is Brittany and I've been on 7 Cups for a few months(?) now. I'm really liking it. I love forums so the communities have been really fun and helpful. I'm in the middle of working on getting SSI and being more honest than I've ever been to professionals before. I am really scared to be honest, but I refuse to give up this time like I have in the past.
Well, I'll probably write a lot, some days many times.
See ya later
-Brittany
Oh my gosh. I feel so weird right now. I feel like I'm not in my body. All feels surreal, like I'm floating above myself or something. My vision is normal though and I know logically that I'm the one in control of my body and moving. It's so weird when this happens. Maybe I freaked myself out thinking about childhood?
About to meditate and play some video games. Maybe that will help. Should.
So... I got a lot done today.
First off, I've been SUPER anxious these past few days. Like, almost unbearable. It's just weird because I look alright-ish on the outside. I just wake up and feel so much dread and fear about the day. I want to do nothing and everything all at the same time. I have a lot of guilt over my agitation towards others. I may not be showing as bad as it is, but I just want to isolate and not deal with anyone or anything. I'm trying to push myself and it's exhausting how difficult it is.
Today I made a few really important phone calls. I called to renew my ABD assistance, which is a cash assistance program for people working on getting disability. I called my attorney's office for SSI to ask what parts of my journal I need to type up for my case. I really need to start doing that soon. It stresses me out. I really should make a note to start that tomorrow. I also called to set up rides for my upcoming counseling session and psych evalutation. I've had so many psych evals the past couple of years due to moving around so much. I'm getting better at them but they still make me really anxious.
I'm trying so hard to get my mind off of all I've done and just zone out to music. I've been working on creating a collage today. It's helped me get out of my head. It's nice to be doing something with my hands and creating something. I feel very creative today.
Coffee also helps. It's like my security blanket. I try to limit how much I drink. For a few days there I was drinking more than 3 of them. That wasn't the best idea. But, I realized and changed it. Now I try to spread em out and only drink 2 a day.
If anyone is reading this, I hope you have a good day. See you around :)
