Everything is going sooo swell. My one supposed "special and memorable night" ended with me having an anxiety attack because everyone was too loud, my friends invited other people who I didn't want to see there, yet I couldn't say anything because all of them were having a lot of fun so my one, and most likely, only "special day" turned into a nightmare. Then I have exams coming up, especially oral examination, which won't end well knowing me because i just hate talking or public speaking cuz i shake uncontrollably and evey whisper or laugh scares me. Now, I'm getting so annoyed that some people touched my things and I fucking hate it. I can't get it back, complaining about it does nothing, can't confront the people because I'm too scared to say anything.
I legitimately dont want to live anymoreee. Everything is just not going well and I'm paying the price, the consequences of other people's actions. It's times like these that I just think about ending it all. I can't do anything, my future is gonna crash and burn, I have no purpose, and I literally just make everything worse for everyone else. I don't want to keep feeling this way but there's nothing I can do except hope. But what is that gonna bring me? Absofuckinglutely nowhere.
