Seeking Advice To Help Ease My Mind
Sorry if this isnt in the right thread!! >_<
So Ive been taking antidepressants for a year now as well as some other medications. However, theres been a lot of times where I feel as though its just better for me to stop taking my medication, not because I feel like Im doing better, but rather because I feel the need to sabotage myself in a way. Ive mentioned this to my psychiatrist and she assures me that the medication Im taking wont stop working for quite some time after stopping them, but I cant get that thought out of my head.
Along with that, Im constantly worried that for whatever reason Im not going to have access to my medications, either from my parents withholding it or due to the meds no longer being covered by my insurance.
The medication Im taking isnt even addictive, its just me obsessing over the fact thay I havent felt okay in years, and now when I am feeling okay I feel the need to strip that away from myself either from me feeling like I dont deserve it or feeling like Im not being authentic when my authentic (non-medicated) self is hardly able to get through a day without crying.
I just need to know what to do and how I should think, because I feel as though the therapists and counselors in my life are trying to attack me for wanting to sabotage myself rather than trying to figure out why I feel as though I need to feel crappy all the time.
@frankily
Wow! That sas scary to me because you made me realize my twisted inner desire to destroy myself like a sick slower suicide, and a desire to stay in my feel like total shit zone suffering. Im sicker than i thought.
Thanks a lot😲
Great post! You really got me thinking i need to have more positive control over myself. Like negative control is a behavior problem.
Makes me think the mental health professionals are making fun of us and calling us bad kids by using the term "behavioral health"
@humorousDay8793
It truly sucks because, for the most part, I know what is negative behavior. After awhile people just stop supporting you because they feel as if you just dont care about getting better. Counselors tell me to use my coping skills when I just want to tear myself apart, and now with the medication Im on, I dont have a reason to do so.
Self-sabotage is absolutely terrible to deal with and I wish I understood why Im having the urges that Im having, and why people like me have similar urges.
@frankily
To me, it feels like im so totally disapointed with life: with others, with myself, with the fate of our planet. I used to believe in a greater purpose: so i spent years searching for it while my world caved in around me and the disloyalty and betrayals mounted. I think the day i finally gave up it was because my will to live part of my soul diedd or left my body. I feel that loss like a hole in my heart. I wish i could find something real to hold onto my friends, but this many people cant be wrong!
Hello @frankily, I'm sorry you're going through this. Having been taking medications for quite a long time myself, I know how hard it can get sometimes to pass a day without them, sometimes feeling worse because of not taking them, sometimes many don't believe that medicines themselves can make us feel pretty sad. In my opinion, along with taking the medicines, you can try meditation or just taking a few simple deep breaths to relax, if that's possible. I hope you have a good day <3
