*nervous noises*
Almost a year ago I went on my first solo trip to Shillong just to make sure that I could. Because I knew that less than a month later I’ll be in Pune, my first time being in Maharashtra, and I’ll be looking for a house to rent because I have already made my mother pay a hefty amount for my admission. So there was no going back. And to top it off, I was all alone. But the best part about the whole thing was that, be it in Shillong or Pune, I wasn’t unreasonably scared. Nor did I have a full blown panic attack and fall behind on my house hunt. I was house hunting, going to university and doing long assignments all at the same time while staying at a hotel. And I wasn’t scared.
A year later, I’m in my hometown, at the comfort of my house, enjoying a three month long vacation, with my dogs around and I am scared beyond my wits. I’ll be turning 23 a week from today and I am scared with the feeling of getting old. So scared that I’ve been losing sleep. I’d step out of my shoes and look at me from a distance and laugh at my face because my fear is irrational and but I can’t. It’s making and not making sense all at the same time.
So I took a walk today, early. Like sunrise early. And as I was soaking in my vitamins, I tried to frantically go back to my school days when I’d wake up early to go to school with a sigh most mornings wishing fervently to be in my twenties sooner than ever. I’m at the age little me coveted for. And life’s now good.
I have almost achieved all the dreams 13 year old Aayushree had dreamt of for now. Well, the realistic dreams. Because 13 year old Aayushree also believed she’d be married or at least dating Sidharth Malhotra by 2023.
So, if you’ve come with me so far, I’d like to ask you, where do you put a pin on the irrationality of your fears? Where’s the point where you draw the line? I’ll look for your answers in the comments.
I have always believed a fear is a fear is a fear. Fear fuzzes you. Probably I’ll laugh about it one day. But for now, that day couldn’t come soon enough.
@AayushreeKalyani I think everybody has some fear of getting old at some point in their life. As there is no alternative to getting older, what can you do to get older well? Can you sit with your fear and let it be what it wants to be? I’ve be told, although I don’t know this works for all feelings every time, that treating a troubling feeling like a welcome house guest lets it visit and then it gradually gets board and it may leave. It’s worked for some of my feelings to not return. Others unfortunately still visit me frequently. I think the less hospitable we are to these feelings the more they want to stick around. Anyway, maybe your fear has something to tell you?
@hopefulPond6108 a rendezvous with my fear...hmmm. Sounds very dangerous and scary😭
@AayushreeKalyani Maybe it could be more triggering for you. What I was referring to was something I learned in mindfulness practice. But some fears can be very difficult and maybe a therapist might be helpful.
