De-escalation Techniques for Community Leaders

De- escalation Technique Examples

At first, de-escalating may feel uncomfortable but, with practice, it will become more natural to you. Over time you will have your own skill set and personal style for de-escalation. Please experiment with different techniques and see how they work for you. There is no right way to de-escalate, and no one-size-fits-all answer. Just as diverse people and situations are, are the ways to de-escalate them.

In spite of your best effort to de-escalate a situation, there may be times you will need to request a moderator and that’s okay. Don’t let those experiences discourage you from attempting to calm down a difficult situation in the future.

Below you will find a list of different techniques and approaches of how to de-escalate a situation. Sometimes you will end up using one technique, or trying multiple ones, and the more you practice, the easier it will be! Don’t be afraid to get creative. The one thing you need to keep in mind when trying to de-escalate is to avoid escalating the situation more. Please remain kind, compassionate and patient when approaching difficult situations.

If participants are frustrated/angry/triggered something validating their feelings can de-escalate a situation

• This can be a simple message acknowledging how a participant is feeling may be helpful. You can also invite the participant to connect 1-1 with a listener to share their feelings. Using this method, you are acknowledging the participants feelings and letting them know they have been heard. space to be upset without letting it affect the room or create an unsupportive environment. Sometimes a participant who feels they haven’t been heard, you might struggle with them acting in such a way that it affects the room negatively. When trying to move on from a challenging situation, validating how participants feel can be crucial

Changing the topic by throwing in an ice-breaker

• Icebreakers are one of the most commonly used techniques to de-escalate situations and change topics. This can be anything from food to flowers, depending on the room you are supporting! Choose an icebreaker that allows everyone to participate. Some examples may be “What are you looking forward to this week?” or “ What is your favorite self care activity?” You are free to choose what kind of icebreaker to use depending on the situation. Another approach could be about a light hearted question or statement a participant has mentioned, such as, “X mentioned going on vacation soon. If you could plan the vacation of your dreams, where would you choose to go?” Sometimes ice-breakers can be very effective and other times they will be ignored. If they are ignored, try a different method of de-escalation.

Complimenting someone

• This is a way to encourage a supportive environment and lead by example of kindness. Compliment a participant’s bravery to share their story. Compliment participants on their insights, compassion, or kindness they’ve shown to another participant. Try to think of something genuine. Remember to be mindful of not showing favoritism in giving compliments. Complements should be supportive, not flirty or suggestive.

Distracting with a different topic or statement

• If you want to distract participants with a different topic or statement. Pick something about upcoming events, interesting things you’ve heard or seen recently, new movies coming out, or ask participants to share a clean joke, hobbies, or fun fact. It is always helpful to keep on asking everyone in the room open-ended questions on the topic and keep going with the questions, slowly engaging more and more participants.

If the whole room is talking about an inappropriate topic, changing the existing topic to an appropriate version

• It is helpful to use this method since we aren’t changing the topic entirely but moving the chat in a more supportive and inclusive direction. Pick a neutral detail of the topic that is appropriate, asking the participants open-ended questions on a more appropriate version of the topic. This method is a subtle redirection of the group into a more supportive and inclusive environment.

Offering support to those reaching out

• This is a great way to subtly remind the room participants of the purpose of the room. It is leading by example and encouraging the room to support one another. If you notice someone is asking for help and not getting responded to, take the time to respond to them. “Hey x, I noticed you said you’re feeling anxious. Can you tell us more about what helps when you’re feeling this way?”

Welcoming new members who enter

• Welcoming new members that enter the room is a way we can move on from a topic that is being discussed by focusing on what they may be saying instead.

Purposefully misunderstanding a provocative statement

• Sometimes participants can, for various reasons, try to provoke conflict. Using this method to de-escalate a situation, you can choose to misunderstand what was said by giving the kindest response to what you have chosen to misunderstand.

Working as a team with Moderators

When a mod enters the room after you have requested their support, it is important that we support them, rather than make their task more difficult. Remember, you both want the rooms to be a safe and supportive community - you have the same task. Communication is key. Welcome them as you would any other participant. “Hey X! Welcome to the room.”

As a team, we need to be working together! Successful Group Support is a collaboration between community leaders, moderators, and participants. This is how we as a team can stand together to provide participants with safety, support, and freedom from judgement.

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