My dad lost his battle agains cancer

It's already been a month, but it doesn't get any easier.

We didn't have a great relationship, but he wasn't the affectionate kind. Actually, none in my family is but me.

When I was younger, we used to get along better, but when I grew up, we both had our own issues going on and we became appart.

My parents weren't there, they kept up to their work and social agendas. I got into depression, had alimentary problems, and thought getting into a relationship was the solution for my loneliness. It helped for some time, but then it was unstable.

My parents were always fighting. My dad had cheated on my mom more than once, and he das the typical macho. His bid was a command.

I got married to my one and only boyfriend and I distanced a bit from my family, but when though my dad would always help me when I had a difficult situation. Every single time, but when I caught my husband cheating on me. I was completely broken-hearted, I felt disappointed and betrayed. That night was the worst I had had. He was so drunk, and he even hit me and kicked me on the floor. The next morning I left home with my kids, texted my husband to leave home, and went to my parents for shelter, in case things got worse. My dad told me it was my fault, that he was a man and those things happen, that I had to lose weight and beg him to stay with me if I wanted to survive with my kids. I felt betrayed twice.

I was never close to him again. Then, he got cancer and he got really ill. He lost mental faculties and we all siblings had to take care of him. He was unable to talk, but everytime I was with him, he would hold me and look at me with puppy-like eyes, until the way he died.