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I don’t know if this is the right thread

User Profile: Indianchick1987
Indianchick1987 17 hours ago

I got married over a year ago. My husband and I met five years ago through work. At the time I just ended a long abusive relationship and wasn’t looking for anything at the time. He was going through a divorce from a 20 year marriage. He and I in my opinion clicked. One thing led to another and I fell for him. But one thing I noticed at the beginning he would play the come to me then push me away game. Unfortunately a year later his ex wife passed, and even though they weren’t together he was heartbroken. I tried to help him the best I could and be there for him and his two younger daughters. About three years ago I finally got up the nerve to ask him to marry me and it was a back and forth and he finally agreed. I should’ve seen the BIG red flags just the past things that happened between us. During our engagement he broke it off citing that he couldn’t be with me due to his faith which I’m converting to (not for him or anyone else but for myself) I was heartbroken then three months later he contacted me saying he couldn’t live without me and wanted to marry me and he asked my family for their blessing. We got married and that’s when I realized it was all falling apart he was drinking constantly and not looking for work which I was working two full time jobs and trying to take care of my new family. In the marriage around six months or so later he told me he wanted a divorce due to not being compatible and moved out and tried to rebuild my life. Three months later he contacted me since the divorce didn’t go through he wanted to make it work. He had been working and then getting his life back together about two weeks ago. Everything just went to crap. He had lost his job a month ago and everything that happened a year ago happened again. It was a situation where the police were involved. He was arrested and jailed. I can’t ever see him again, but I did talk to him and he said he wanted a divorce because he thought it would be the best but then he contacted me again saying he wanted to make it work. I feel like he keeps on playing with my heart and I can’t keep on doing this.

2
User Profile: delicateWillow37
delicateWillow37 16 hours ago

@Indianchick1987 move on!

@Indianchick1987

I just want to start by saying I see you. I see your pain, your exhaustion, your resilience. And I need you to know that you are not crazy for feeling the way you do. This is a cycle, and it’s one that’s been pulling you deeper and deeper, making you question yourself, your worth, and what love is even supposed to feel like.  

The push and pull, the promises, the heartbreak, the brief moments of hope it’s a pattern. And it’s not your fault. You’ve been trying so hard. You’ve given your all. You’ve held on because you love him, because you believe in commitment, because you’ve wanted so badly for this to work. But love is not supposed to feel like this. Love is not supposed to be a constant state of uncertainty, instability, and pain.  

You deserve peace not to live in a never-ending loop of “maybe this time will be different.” You deserve to be loved in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you have to beg for it or chase after it. I know it’s hard to let go, especially when you’ve invested so much. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: what is this costing me? My happiness? My self-worth? My sanity?

You already know the answer. You already feel it in your gut. And I promise you there is a life beyond this. A life where you don’t have to keep waiting for someone to decide if you’re worth it. A life where you can finally breathe again.  

I know it’s scary. I know it’s painful. But please, be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to walk away and never look back. You don’t have to do this alone. You are stronger than you think, and you deserve so much better.