Love yourself the way you want others to love you
Hello lovely Positivity & Gratitude Community! I hope all of you are doing well. Today I would like to talk about something that I have been reading up on, for a while. This idea of using your love languages as a way to love yourself. Sounds interesting, doesn't it? Let's get to it! [Disclaimer: This post is longer than the ones I usually write, read as much as you want to]
"Be with someone who makes you happy."
Before we get on to the whole talk about self-love, we must be on the same page with our Love Languages. What are Love Languages? Dr. Gary Chapman, an author and counsellor developed the Five Love Languages through which people give and receive love. His book "The 5 Love Languages" was originally written in 1992. According to Dr. Chapman, there are 5 primary love languages that people are familiar with, or use most commonly to give and receive love. The five languages are: Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts and physical touch. We will discuss more about them in a bit! Before that, I would like you to make a list of your Love Languages in order of their percentages. Your top 3 love languages are the ones you are most likely to converse your love with. If you would like to do the Love Languages Test or maybe retake it to confirm your top 3 love languages, feel free to take the test here - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/.
Do people tell you they love you, they appreciate you but it doesn't quite land on you? It's possible that words of affirmation isn’t one of your primary love languages. Do you not like receiving gifts from anybody very often? It's possible that receiving gifts isn't one of your primary love languages and so on with the other three love languages. Let us first define self-love [Here, I would like you to pause your reading and first come up with your own definition of self-love. What does self-love mean to you? How do you show love to yourself?], according to bbrfoundation.org, "Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others."
Love languages in depth
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Words of affirmation. People who have words of affirmation as their love language feel loved and appreciated through words of encouragement and appreciation. Kind words spoken to them is the way to win their heart. Reading uplifting quotes, receiving cute texts, words to appreciate or encourage them are received really well and can easily make their day. If this is one of your primary love languages, you can try some of these out:
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Stick encouraging notes on your fridge.
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Keep a gratitude jar.
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Remind yourself of your dreams by making a vision board.
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Be aware of how people in your life speak to you.
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Talk about your passions with others.
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Watch a Ted Talk.
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Post about something you are proud of on social media.
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Acts of service. People who have acts of service as their love language feel loved and appreciated by having people do something nice for them. Whether it is doing the dishes for them when they're tired, helping them with their homework/work, anything that would make their life/day easier is the way to win their heart. They also like to offer things for others and help them. If this is one of your primary love languages, you can try some of these out:
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Ask yourself, “what do I need most at the moment? And get that.
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Do one errand you’ve been avoiding.
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Learn how to set boundaries and say no to things that drain your energy.
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Schedule your doctor’s appointment.
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Make time to do things that you personally love doing.
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Declutter and tidy up your place.
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Give yourself breaks throughout the workday.
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Quality Time. People who have quality time as their love language feel loved and appreciated through the undivided attention given to them and spending time with someone they love with minimal or no interruptions so as to completely focus on the time they have with each other. Putting down the phone, making someone feel listened to, doing things you love together, keeping eye contact, etc. are ways through which they give and receive love. If this is one of your primary love languages, you can try some of these out:
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Spend a day at the coffee shop (or enjoy a coffee without using your phone!).
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Enjoy the sunset.
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Go on a solo trip to a place you want to visit.
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Read a chapter of a new book before bed.
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Treat yourself to dinner at your favourite restaurant.
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Listen to your favourite album on repeat.
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Watch a meaningful movie.
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Receiving gifts. People who have receiving gifts as their love language feel loved and appreciated through receiving gifts from others. It's not just about the gifts, it doesn't have to be grand, expensive or anything, what matters to these people is having received something that was borne out of thoughtfulness and remembrance of what the person likes. To them, having received a gift in which thought was put into and their desires are considered is the way to their heart. If this is one of your primary love languages, you can try some of these out:
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Invest in your hobbies and passions.
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Decorate your workplace or home.
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Create a scrapbook of memories.
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Make yourself a self-care kit.
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Start a DIY (Do It Yourself) Project for fun.
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Create personalized calming music playlist.
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Enroll in a class that interests you.
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Physical Touch. People who have physical touch as their love language feel loved and appreciated through the touch or feeling of closeness with their loved ones physically. Showing physical affection is very important for these people, holding their hands, giving them a shoulder massage, touching their arm, hugging them, cuddling, etc. help them feel loved. Their way of loving or wanting to be loved can be explained in simpler words by saying, they want to be physically close with the person they love. If this is one of your primary love languages, you can try some of these out:
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Cook yourself a healthy dinner.
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Get some fresh air.
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Enjoy a cup of tea/coffee.
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Drink a glass of water.
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Pamper yourself by getting a haircut or even doing your nails.
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Snuggle up with a blanket and watch a movie.
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Take a soothing bubble bath.
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Special Notes for each love language
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Words of affirmation. Affirmations that acknowledge where you are but also help setting a trajectory where you want to be. Sometimes, hearing things such as, “I am beautiful” or “I am capable” may not always sit right with some people, however, saying things like, “I am working on myself and I can notice a little difference” or “I feel like I am on the right path” would really help in that case. This works for all people even though they may not have words of affirmation as their primary love language.
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Acts of service. This love language can be broken down to the simplest thing that is showing up for yourself. This might be something a lot of empaths may also have as one of their primary ones because these are the people who are focused on giving service outwardly, they are always trying to do something for others. They are not as focused or strict with giving themselves the same service as they would to others. A listener on 7 Cups, said in one of the posts that self-love is our responsibility towards oneself, and I don’t think there’s any better way to put this love language. This can look like, “I am going to do ___ so that my future self does not have to take the load of doing it.”
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Quality Time. People who are distracted, not in the conversation fully can make people with this love language as one of their primary ones feel unloved or unimportant. As a love language, quality time can be broken down into time with yourself that is uninterrupted, where you are not thinking about doing something else, instead you are slowing down and truly being engaging in activities that relax you. Time being spent where you are not continuously thinking about the next thing to do, you are only focused on spending time with yourself with no interruptions.
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Receiving gifts. Sometimes people who don’t have this as their primary love language may think that it’s shallow to want to give and receive gifts. A bad gift is something in which you didn’t put in any thought or intent of pleasing the other person despite how much money you may have spent on buying it (btw, gifts don’t have to be something you purchase either!). A good gift is something that has a practical or emotional need of the other person, it says “I see you” or “I want you to know that I pay attention to what you like.” You can not mindlessly spend money on yourself if this is your love language, instead really pay attention to what are your needs, what gets you excited, what gifts can possibly help you to get where you want to go, etc. Be intentional about what you are giving yourself, whether it is something you can purchase, or something you just need to prioritize.
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Physical touch. How do you give yourself physical affection that is most meaningful to you? It is not just about hugging other people, but in terms of self-love, it can go a bit deeper in the sense, how are we treating our body? The respect that we show to our bodies really matters and goes a long way! There are also certain sensory needs someone may have, are they comfortable in the environment they are in? Being comfortable in a surrounding can really be important as it helps us to feel cared for and loved, knowing someone else is paying attention to how you react to your environment. Anything that you put on your body (like a snuggly night suit maybe) or how you treat your body (good sleep and eating properly) is self-love because you are showing yourself you are nurturing your body and taking care of yourself.
Resources:
Check out this video which inspired this post: https://youtu.be/wgn9k6cTM5Y A nice article on this topic: https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538 Helpful tips from this amazing post: https://nunziadreams.com/find-your-self-love-language/
Questions.
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What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages?
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What are your top 3 love languages?
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How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so?
Tagging some peeps who may like this post @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @LovetoGod @DaisyDaph @Starmedia @jovialButterfly6752
The point is, people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't?
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What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages?
I feel we do use the 5 love languages in different intensities , now that I know for better, I am more confident in using the love languages that work better for me . -
What are your top 3 love languages?
I kind of answered in my mind already haha, but took the test too, and the results are same xD -- 1. Acts of service 2. Quality Time 3. Words of affirmation -
How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so?
Being kind and patient with self , journaling, doing what I enjoy -- spending time with myself , walking , watching a feel good movie /show , enjoying food etc are a couple of things I show myself love .
Thankyou for sharing the articles as well, loved learning more about 5 love languages and how we can practice more self love through these, the tips aligned are great as well, somethings we can make more time for and ensure to inculcate more in our daily lives !
(Watched a part of the video , quite insightful in how to apply the 5 love languages to work for us , Saved it to complete later ! )
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Aw thank you so much for reading it, Sunnie! ❤️ I am really glad you liked it.
I agree, we use all of these Love Languages just in different frequencies! It's great that you've become more confident in using them. Aw those 3 are awesome and lol, good self-awareness of answering it already in head!
Yay to liking the resources I linked too! No rush with any of them, I am sure you have the main idea of needs to be kept in in mind and done. I found the video and the link about the tips especially helpful!
Thank you again for reading this, Sunnie! I hope you have a great day today! ❤️
Nice Sun!
I loved reading your replies to both this post and the one on accountability right before this one.
I just got to where I was able to read and reply to both....playing a bit of catch up.
Hello hello lovely Ameliaa , thankyou so much for appreciating my replies, it is always such a pleasure to hear from y'all .🤗
I would also like to appreciate your thoughtful replies to all threads , glad you enjoy these forum discussions @Amelia2324 ❤
@lueurspace lovely post <3
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What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages?
i think the five love languages seeks to equip us with independancy so that we don't have to rely on others to practice self-care and be content :0 i, for one, found the post really helpful, specially the bit about different suggestions for self-care based on which love language. i feel like that really narrows it down!! -
What are your top 3 love languages?
receiving gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation haha -
How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so?
journaling!! and scrapbooks. i love writing and creative things. i make gifts for myself :D
thank you for the post <3
@milkoreos
Thank you so much for reading it milky! ❤️
That's a great point and I agree, the knowledge about the Five Love Languages does equip us with independency in terms of how we want to love and take care of ourselves. I am glad you liked the suggestions. I knew I had to include that because I wanted to make this post a little thorough. It's great that you found it helpful!
Aw those 3 are amazing! I hope the things mentioned in this post help you a little with taking care of yourself and also to get some good relaxing time ❤️ For a second I thought I was reading my own answer xD I love scrapbooks too! That's super cute that you make gifts for yourself! *high fives* for that
I hope moving forward, you have great time by yourself and are able to relax in a way that aligns with your Love Languages (if you'd like, of course)! I hope you have a great day/night ahead, Milky!
@lueurspace
What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages?
That I already fail at it because the first thing I thought was "Well, now I have a better idea of how to show appreciation to others." 
. But all kidding aside, it's really eye opening to be honest. I still have a lot to learn and one of them is essentially to be kinder to myself and to do for me, what I would do for others.
What are your top 3 love languages?
Physical touch is the highest, then comes words of affirmation in a close second, followed by quality time.
How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so?
- Wearing comfortable clothes and listening to what my body tells me it can and can't, first, before attempting to do it ( which is exactly what I should have done earlier this week )
- Talk to others about something I am passionate about, and being confident in the knowledge of that passion that I have built up over my life time rather than second guessing myself!
- Allowing myself to become focused on things that I enjoy and managing it properly so that I don't get fixated/hyperfocused, rather than having fear of it happening.
Thank you for this post, every little bit helps to find ways to "fill my cup". Going to setup some reminders to look back on this so it will hopefully, eventually, stick
@Orthrus I really like how you were able to reflect on the information and yourself. I am happy to see that you found @lueurspace post helpful and was able to apply it beneficially to your life.
@Orthrus
Aw Orthrus, haha ❤️ You won't fail at it! It's great that the idea of appreciating others came to your mind, that's honestly so sweet! I totally hear where you're at, currently. It can be hard to make some groundbreaking changes and somerimes it's just second nature for us to direct our kindness more outwardly. I do that too and sometimes it may mea overlooking my own needs, which is not something we want! You're trying and trust me, that counts. Every little thing that you're doing daily or whenever you do them, they add up and soon enough, maybe it will become your natural go-to to wind down and put yourself first!
Those are interesting ones! With physical touch, there's a lot you can mix with quality time and also words of affirmation! I hope you're able to individually give time to all of them and take better care of yourself!
I love the ways you have mentioned to love yourself! Especially the second one about appreciating how far you have come with a skill/thing you are working on. If you're passionate about something, talking to others about it is great! I am great you're already doing it/will do it more often!
I hope they will stick with you soon enough! Thank you so much for reading it. Good luck with all that you're going to do! We are all in this together, I'm taking my steps daily too! I hope you have a great day/night! ❤️
@lueurspace This is really awesome!!! You put a lot a lot of time and thought into this. I like this. Keep up the good work!!!
@peacefulIris56
Aw thank you for reading it, Iris! I am glad you acknowledge the time and efforts went into making this post, I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me! ❤️ Your encouragement is appreciated!
I hope you have a great day/night ahead!
@lueurspace You're welcome. Thank you for your appreciation. I appreciate that. I hope that you have a great day/night ahead as well.
@lueurspace
Such a wonderful post, lueur. You said to read as much as possible, but I ended up reading it completly😀
Very nicely written. You put a lot of effort on it. This is a very informative post. 😊❤
@VicK5123
I am so glad you read the post, Vic. It means a lot to me! And aww hehe thank you for reading it completely, that's awesome! Thank you for acknowledging my efforts that went in this. Your encouragement means a lot to me and I appreciate that you responded here!
I hope you have a great day today, Vic! ❤️ [Thanks for helping me get back on track with self-love journey a little earlier on! I appreciate it]
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What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages? It was really right on target.
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What are your top 3 love languages? 1) Words of Affrimiations, 2) Acts of Service, 3) Quality Time
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How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so? Be aware of how people in your life speak to you, 2) Talk about your passions with others, 3) Spend a day at the coffee shop, 4) Do one errand that you've been avoiding doing.
@Amelia2324
Hi there, Amelia! It's always so good to see you in any of my forum threads ❤️ I appreciate your answers, always!
I am happy that you liked the topic and the way I presented it, means a lot.
Those are really great Love Languages and I don't know about others but to me they kind of feel like a triad that is meant to be. So I appreciate how you have also put some of those together separately and the ones which you'd like to try out to show yourself love and care. I appreciate that you took time out to read this! I hope you've been doing well and also that you have a wonderful day/night ahead! ❤️
Thank you and hugs luerurspace. YOU are very much appreciated!
I took my time reading through your colourful post lueur, and I must say, I can see how much care and meticulous effort you took into making this post and it means a lot to me. The 5 love languages are such an interesting topic! I remember when my friends and I did it in the past, and I got the same language as I did just now, when I did it again. It's amazing to see how each and every one of us have our own respective languages; it goes to show that love is not communicated the same way for everyone, that we are unique with our own expressions of love.
1. What do you think about the idea of loving yourself with the aid of knowledge about the Five Love Languages?
~ I like how you focus on self-love. We focus on the idea of loving others, and being able to express it to others. But we oftentimes forget to see how love languages can be directed to ourselves too! It definitely makes sense to me and it's such a good way of helping people figure out how they can take care of themselves and show themselves the love they deserve!
2. What are your top 3 love languages?
~ My top 3 are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch :)
3. How do you show yourself love after learning some ways in which you can do so?
~ The in-depth descriptions, as well as special notes that you gave about each of the love languages were so well presented; I really enjoyed reading through them. For my love language, you were spot on! I do enjoy the quality time I spend doing something meaningful; something I know won't make me regret anything in the future and would benefit me and the people I spend time with. And yes, of course, some of those ways would be to read a chapter of a book before bed (which is literally what I do XD), watch a sunset, or even a meaningful movie; including all the points you've mentioned. About the special notes, you caught me there XD I do tend to interrupt any time I spend taking care of myself, thinking about the next thing I have to do, or being distracted by spending time with others or doing other things that might not help me relax. I think I would have to be more cautious of how I spend time with myself, and not do it half-heartedly. I enjoy singing, reading, and painting; so I think I would spend more time doing those instead of thinking about if I should be doing something else or worrying about other things during my free time. Thank you for wonderfully putting that ❤️
@DaisyDaph
Daph, I appreciate you so much, that I am short of words to express that. Thank you for taking the time to read it and to get back to me with your response, I must admit I was anticipating it ❤️
I agree with you, I find this topic quite interesting too and it seems that you have been familiar with this already which is awesome! I love how you put it and it's so true, we all have our individual ways to express our love and while this test helps us determine to some extend what makes the most sense to us, it's still beautiful to look through different answers and to just see how different yet similar we can be with how we choose to give and receive love.
I am glad you liked the theme of this forum thread. The first time I read about it, I was so shook, my face was literally like 😮 because it just felt so simple and so on point and how I never originally came up with this, haha. It just makes sense why some people just don't feel our love, to us we're expressing our love through the love language which we know to be ours but we fail to notice that not everyone communicates their love in the same way. Ever since I discovered this, I have been trying to show myself love in a way I understand, not just a way someone else is. So I'm really trying to make my love language my own and I hope everyone who comes across this post or any post on this topic does the same!
Those love languages make a great combo, for sure! I like how you've been getting consistent results too, it must really help with getting the base of it all right. I am glad you like the way I presented those points as to how we can show love to ourselves. I was worried the post was getting long and no one would read it (I did give a disclaimer haha), but I appreciate so many of you who did read it. Woohoo, you seem to already showing yourself some love by doing things you enjoy. I really want to make a habit of reading before going to bed too instead of using the phone, hope that happens soon. Hehe, you sound like an amazing person who wants to look for beauty everywhere around them and that in itself is a beautiful thing, Daph ❤️ I really appreciate how some people can just want to see the beauty in things, I am like that too! Oh my gosh, haha, I was really hoping to catch someone with that, quality time means you're really taking that time for yourself and not wanting to interrupt your own quality time (which doesn't seem as obvious, but we all do it!). I really hope that the time you will be spending with yourself is always meaningful, Daph. A person who sees beauty in everything may often find the most beautiful thing within and that time is soley yours ❤️
Thank you so much again for reading my post and taking out time to answer it so elaborately, I appreciate it a lot. I hope you've been doing well and that you are having wonderful days!
How wonderful that you plan on spending time singing, reading, and painting. Those are very nice, and all so different. What kind of painting do you like to do? Most people now do either acrylics or watercolor. I used to do oil painting for years. Also, what kind of books do you like to read Daisy?
@lueurspace I like reading your replies. I find them very helpful.
@peacefulIris56
Iris, that means so much to me! Thank you for taking the time to read my responses to other people's posts too. I am happy to know you find them helpful! ❤️
@lueurspace You're welcome!!!
@lueurspace
Brilliant post and very informational. 
I can see your genuine effort and enthusiasm in all the content you write. Good work!
I think I personally found it very useful as well.
Thanks for tagging me, Lu.
@Starmedia
Thank you so much for reading it, Star! I appreciate your view and comment on it so much. I am happy to know you found it useful, that's so good! You are awesome! Have a lovely day, Star! Keep shining!
The point is, people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't?
@lueurspace
No problem, thank you and you too keep shining!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
*boops back* xD
@lueurspace hehe xD
