Same Cycle
Hello!
I consider myself a christian woman. Lately I've done some things I'm not proud of which leads me fall into the same cycle that I've been trying to get out of for years and years. I'm sick of this cycle, I'm sick of my surroundings (certain things), I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm even sick of myself. I don't want something big to happen in my life just so I can change, I want to have control in the things I can control. I want my life to be different. I don't want to run to God just when I feel bad because I feel like I'm using him and I feel so ashamed. I'm longing to be closer to God, I truly see him as my Father because my dad passed away when I was 4 years old and some way some how I depended on God to help me out. Now I find myself not really wanting to go to church, I feel like I need to be alone and pray and read the Bible all by myself.
I still love and care for my highschool sweetheart but a lot has happened between us and we're not together anymore, we still talk but I secretly still have hope between us but I'm also in the same thing and that person is too but worse (I think). My mom has a big heart, she loves everyone and everything but at the end she's always hurt because she let's people step on her and I've seen her like that for years and I don't want that for her anymore. I don't like seeing her cry. But I still have hope. I see my siblings also wanting to change just like myself. And I have hope for everything but I don't know how to leave these things in God's hands.
@scarletCherry3980
I know many have different views about faith or life.... i feel the challenges we face and things are like a life lesson .... that everyone that comes into our life is either a blessing or a lesson to be learned.
I at one point felt like you same cycle over and over ........ i felt stuck in a go no where job with "friends" that were fickle and even relationships feeling like they were fading away....
i was not sure what i wanted to happen ... nothing major just the ability for me to understand so i put in god's hands not that i wanted new job/ new friends or anything
I just said out loud in my room "I am NOT learning whatever i am suppose to here or with the people around me and put me in a new situation that i can learn and grow as a person"
At the time i had applied for a few jobs not expecting much more of an excuse for me that i was applying and trying......... even when it was not my best effort ....
it was a Tuesday on Thursday i had a new job met new people who had different attitudes then the previous work situation ..... i had no experience for this did not feel i would get interviewed but i went and thrived learned more in 8 months about me and life and what I want then I had learned in years. That experience was a stepping stone to some fabulous opportunities and self confidence grew 10 x as much.
Ask for guidance or a path i know it because i saw it happen. Waiting for things often prolongs the journey like getting lost on the way to where ever you are headed
