I feel like gods have abandoned me
I do to great part of my life believe in some sort of intellegence in this universe, maybe it is gods or an intellegent universe or cosmos which does take care of us. And everyone who is close to us is just an extension of that intellegence.
I was in a relationship with a woman which later got turned into engagement but later we realized that we are having compatibility issues so we decided to break that up mutually. But after that happened my character got assassinated in my social circle without me getting a chance to explain myself, and I did not reply back to those accusations because whats the point. A group of friends I was part of, we had some misunderstading and I was never given chance to explain myself, and I lost them one by one. I never replied back about anything because whats the point, I understand everyone is suffering in the end in their lives and people do at times can be blind to someone else pain, but deep down I kinda feel the intellegent entity controlled our lives has given up on my story, I feel like I have been abadoned. I just hope something just make it all stop or give me a path to follow.
@Iamheretostay
Hello. I like, and, to some extent, I believe I share your ideas: the thoughts about the wisdom of the universe (call it God, Providence or the cosmic intelligence) and "we're all leaves of the same tree of humanity" attitude.
I am sorry to hear about the breakup. I agree with you the compatibility issues may be very important, especially for a long-term connection. And I like the way of seeing it as something that "just is" - being not anybody's fault.
I wonder what would you think about the friends who left you so suddenly? Did I understand clearly it was some kind of a false accusation? And you were not given a chance to defend and explain? How much serious this "assassination of character" is for your well-being? I am not a native speaker, but I guess that's something unfair embedded in the meaning of the word "assassination"?
Basing on my experience, I believe the problem with the intelligence of the universe might be we sometimes underestimate it. We may hope it provides us with something, but it gives us some other thing we believe we didn't need. Or is providing us with something opposite to what we expected. Maybe to convince us to some kind of out-of-the-box thinking?
I repeat it here many times that I am not a person of any religion, but what you wrote somehow reminds me the "Footprints in the Sand" poem:
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
