I don't know what I am meant to do.

No one has my best interest in mind and they treat me like I don’t matter. Like my needs don’t matter and like I don’t deserve a good life. I was born in a really bad place (a third world country) where I don’t belong, I don’t share any values or worldviews with them, and nothing about this place is normal to me or reflects who I am at all. There is no life for me here. I didn’t have a life, a childhood, or any relationships with anyone I love or respect. I hate this place and always have. I was abandoned as a newborn, but it’s not like it matters, since the people who adopted me have not given me a good life, because, quite frankly, no one here can give me what I need. They think a good life is superflous. But they were especially abusive, and even people here would probably agree. They are religious extremists, moralists, and pro-life. I am irreligious and pro-choice. I used to be an atheist/materialist (even as a kid I never believed in their religion, they could never condition me), now I am quite spiritual/idealist and woo woo. But still very much an individualist and independent thinker.  I am not a realist or practical. I believe in the impossible. I am very sensitive, so being in this hostile environment that’s is not aligned with my soul’s truth is really harmful and distressing.

I don’t know how this was allowed to happen to me. The fact the they think they know what’s best for me or that they are my people or that they are good for me when they have abused me my entire life and and I feel so unease and disturbed by their presence is so unsettling. I have nowhere to turn to. This is place is so crowded. I hear everything and just being in this environment is so disturbing. Even in my room. I can’t get any peace. And knowing that if I open the door and go outside it gets much worse. Even if I was in a soundproof box. I would still feel disturbed by just bring here. Just because it’s normal for them, it’s not normal for me. Nothing about this place is normal. And they treat me like I’m the problem and that I am crazy and I am not allowed to feel the way I feel and think like I think. That who I am inside doesn’t matter. They think they own me and that I belong here, when I don’t. They are not my family. Just hearing their voices makes my screen crawl. They never were. But they keep getting away with this. This is not my life. I need to leave.