Some things about me
I'm 28 and I was diagnosed with depression aged 15 when my Mum died. Things were bad before that though, my Mum was an alcoholic and I was her accomplice hiding things from my Dad. She always mocked me for showing emotions and also got angry with me for that. My Dad was 35 years older than my Mum and I had a younger brother so I had to look after the whole family.
When I was 16 anxiety was added to my diagnosis. I was very suicidal and self harming a lot. I hid everything from my family for a long time.
When I was 22 I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder coming from the complex trauma of having an emotionally invalidating childhood. No one told me about this diagnosis, I found out when I requested my medical notes.
I struggle day to day with intense emotions and recently I have been very suicidal. I have a lot of support from mental health services and i'm on medication which helps.
When my local crisis team finishes for the night i'm pretty much alone with my emotions unless I find the courage to phone a helpline. I can't talk to my brother or the one friend that I have. I'm hoping that this website will help me to avoid getting to the point where I am extremely suicidal.
I'm turning 28 on june 9th. I had alcohlic parents aswell... both of them. One of my biggest fears is my mother dying. So I really feel your pain and I understand the complex emotions that go with being an acoa. I'm here for you.
It is always difficult when someone has to grow up with a parent who can't handle their own stress. It has obviously effected you but I bet it has made your resilient, independent and strong. Maybe when you are alone at night you can remember all you have overcome and that you survived. Many facing less adversity have not even done that. And always keep us in mind when your feeling stressed out.
I also have BPD. I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar for years. I'm glad you survived. BPD gets better over time.
Im sorry to hear you feel that way, But, We got a great community here, And im sure if any place will make you feel better, Then that place is right here ;).
